To Church People who Think Husbands Should Rape Their Wives

Content Warning. Obviously.

A friend sent me the infamous sermon clip this morning. Here is a link from Sarah McDugal so you can see it yourself:

I was incensed. But I was trying to finish a deadline for a book I’m ghostwriting, and then I had to get ready for a score of people coming for Thanksgiving.

But then a reporter from Julie Roys contacted me to get a quote about it.

“I’m not really your person,” I said. “I talk about domestic abuse a little, but mostly I focus on untwisting Scriptures.”

She said, “That’s what this is about.”

She read me the snippet of a Bible verse that he quoted.  “You are not your own.” That meant, he said, that you belong to your husband and he should be able to rape you.

He actually TOLD husbands to rape their wives.

Here’s where I’m going to get graphic. You have been warned.

This is not about wives acting cute and coy and giving a “no” that is really a “yes,” which is toxic teaching all on its own.

This is about rape, which is not gentle. It is beastly. It is sometimes even done with other equipment, like kitchen tools and curling irons.

I have a husband who has always been supremely gentle with me, so I do not speak from personal experience. I speak from the stories of scores of women whose voices need to be heard.

“You are not your own,” this preacher said.

This is a prime example of Scripture twisting.

“You are not your own” does NOT mean you belong to your husband for him to do with whatsoever he will, to use and bruise and toss aside, wiping his mouth and saying, “I have done no wrong.”

“You are not your own” is a snippet from 1 Corinthians 6:17-20.

But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

This is about your body belonging to God, not your husband. Do not do sexually immoral things with your body, because it belongs to God.

Your body belongs to God, and you and your husband can “belong” to each other in the sense that you can mutually care for each other.

You will abstain from immorality because you belong to the Lord.

But how many will actually look at the Scripture, to understand it? From my experience, not many.

If we understand the Scripture, we will be better equipped to refute false teachers such as this one.

Because teachings such as this are devastating the body of Christ.

UPDATE: This man has resigned in ignominy and given an “unqualified apology.” A statement from his denomination is here:

Here’s How You Can Tell When You Should Listen to Your Feelings

Heads up: Untwisting Scriptures that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind: Book 3 Your Words, Your Emotions will be free on Kindle until November 9th, 2021. Download your copy here.


Perhaps you’ve been taught that your feelings lie to you. That they will lead you astray, away from God and down Satan’s path, so you shouldn’t believe them.

That really never made sense to me (even in the days before I understood trauma), because feelings are just expressing feelings. They’re not making a statement of truth or falsehood.

You can say, “I feel like God doesn’t love me. That’s a lie, right?” Continue reading “Here’s How You Can Tell When You Should Listen to Your Feelings”

Let’s Compare Potiphar’s Wife with Tamar, Shall We?

Last week, when Paul Kingsbury (who I referenced in regard to “bitterness” in my first Untwisting Scriptures book) preached the sermon I’m critiquing today, I was busy putting the finishing touches on my third Untwisting Scriptures book and sending it out to the readers who will help me with my Book Launch when it comes out November 1st. Needless to say, I’m excited about this!

But now I’m able to turn my attention back to where it so often ends up going: Bad Sermons.

Paul Kingsbury is a former Chicago-area pastor who was the co-founder of Reformers Unanimous, the addiction recovery program that Josh Duggar attended a few years ago. Kingsbury has been named before and was recently named again in a news article about what appeared to be covering for someone who a missionary who had sexually assaulted a woman.

Continue reading “Let’s Compare Potiphar’s Wife with Tamar, Shall We?”

Here’s How “Choosing to Believe” Differs from Actually Believing

(First, a word about my upcoming book.)

Thanks to the help of some excellent pre-readers and others, Untwisting Scriptures #3 Your Words, Your Emotions, is aiming for a November 1st 2021 publication date. Several pre-readers will be seeing themselves in print there, because they kindly granted me permission to use some of their insightful thoughts to make the book even better.

Next week, hopefully Monday October 11th, I’ll be sending out an email to my blog subscribers to offer a free pdf of the book for any subscribers who agree to read it and then write and post an Amazon review. This offer will be exclusive for blog subscribers, and it will be time sensitive (only 24 hours allowed for response), so be on the lookout for it!

Here are some words from a few of the pre-readers, who granted me permission to quote them: Continue reading “Here’s How “Choosing to Believe” Differs from Actually Believing”

That Time I Tried to Be Like George Mueller: Reflections on My 64th Birthday

Many thanks to those of you who met my birthday deadline for giving feedback on the first half of my new book Untwisting Scriptures that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind: Book 3 Your Words, Your Emotions. 

My blog subscribers are the ones who get offers to read early versions of my books. If you’d like to be included in these offers in the future, subscribe via the blue bar above.


“You have to get up and eat something. You can’t go on like this.” Continue reading “That Time I Tried to Be Like George Mueller: Reflections on My 64th Birthday”

What Did Jesus Mean When He Said “Turn the Other Cheek”?

Last week I took a writing retreat to work on my third Untwisting Scriptures book,  tentatively subtitled “Your Words, Your Emotions.” It will address  good stuff like gossip and slander, and anger and fear and shame. My hope is for it to be out before the end of 2021!


One of the “Untwisting Scriptures” topics I’m known for tackling is the topic of giving up or yielding your rights. That’s the discussion in the first few chapters of the first Untwisting Scriptures book, and it was the topic the first time I was invited to speak at an abuse conference.

One of the apparently audacious assertions I make about rights—besides the assertion that it’s basically impossible for us to give up our rights—is that Jesus never gave up His rights. Continue reading “What Did Jesus Mean When He Said “Turn the Other Cheek”?”

When Does Sin Become Idolatry? A New Perspective on an Old Question

Last week I reposted (on my Rebecca Davis—Untwisting Scriptures Facebook page) my four-year old “Idol Factory” post, and again I received several heartfelt responses, both publicly and privately.

A reminder that this pernicious teaching is still actively tormenting upright Jesus-followers who love God. Continue reading “When Does Sin Become Idolatry? A New Perspective on an Old Question”

Did the Bereans Think Paul Was a Charlatan?

I’ve heard sermons extolling the Bereans for searching the Scriptures, but it’s a rare preacher indeed who will urge his listeners to themselves search the Scriptures to see if what he is teaching them is true.

When I’ve heard it, it’s often been about fact-checking him on details.

But when Acts 17:11 describes the Bereans searching the Scriptures, it wasn’t about fact-checking Paul. It wasn’t about looking at just one or two proof texts. Continue reading “Did the Bereans Think Paul Was a Charlatan?”

If Someone Offends Me, Should I Not Talk About It?

(aka, “Don’t Gossip about Offenses”)

The “Someone Offends Me” Chart

Some time ago, the Victory Today Facebook page posted someone’s Bible study notes without context. As of this writing, 2.5 years later, it has been reposted (Shared) 88 THOUSAND times.

The original author said that in her original context, she was only talking about small things, and she was sorry this was shared without her context. So with that disclaimer I’ll proceed, because Victory Today gave only this chart, and this is the only context that 88,000 people had for reposting it. Continue reading “If Someone Offends Me, Should I Not Talk About It?”