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Many of us have been taught that complaining is a sin, definitely a sign of not trusting God. But the Scriptures give us a different picture.

The difference between grumbling in rebellion and crying out in distress is significant, and it matters deeply to God.

The Complaining of the Israelites

During their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land, the time in the wilderness, the Israelites became notorious for their constant complaining.

When they started out, they assumed the trek through the wilderness to the Promised Land would be brief—maybe a few weeks, certainly far less than a year.

But a full year passed, and they were still wandering. What they didn’t understand was that they were like children who needed to grow up, and the wilderness was the perfect place for all this to happen.

God was accomplishing crucial goals during this time:

• They needed to learn who God was and how He could provide.
• They needed to learn to follow God.
• They needed to receive His laws.
• They needed to understand how to worship Him through the tabernacle system.

Have you ever noticed that God really does take His time about the things He’s accomplishing?

His timetable often looks very different from our own.

So instead of looking to the Lord and thanking Him for providing for their needs Every. Single. Time. . . .

They complained over and over, because their expectations—of getting to the Promised Land and its easy life as quickly as possible—hadn’t been met.

I’ve written about expectations before, even in the free guide I offer to reading the Bible again after spiritual abuse. It’s actually GOOD to have expectations.

But it’s important to draw clear parameters from Scripture about what kinds of expectations are right and good and what kinds are unreasonable.

The Israelites (like some Christians today) didn’t sort out between good and bad expectations.

And sometimes God punished them severely for their self-centeredness and refusal to look to Him.

Moses Complained Too—But Wasn’t Punished

Moses also complained. In Numbers 11, we see him overwhelmed and desperate.

He cried out to God:

“Lord, I’m your servant. Why are you treating your servant in this way?

Why have you frowned on me to such an extent, putting the burden of all these people on me?

Are they MY children, that you’re telling me to carry them like a nursing mother all the way to the promised land?

They’re demanding flesh to eat—how am I going to provide that for them?

I can’t do it Lord. This burden is too heavy for me.

If you do smile upon me, then show me your favor by killing me so I don’t have to see my own wretchedness.”

Strong words and deep anguish.

And yet . . . God didn’t punish Moses.

Instead, He gave him help, giving him a practical way to ease his burden and providing the flesh the people demanded.

So what was the difference?

Comparing the Two Kinds of Complaints

What made the difference in Moses’ complaining that brought about a solution from God rather than punishment from God?

After some meditating and pondering with the help of the Spirit, here are my observations. I’d be interested in yours.

Israelites	Moses
Every time there was a need, they went immediately to despair, assuming God wasn’t going to help.	He had seen God provide their needs again and again and again, and he stood in astonishment that they continued to complain.
They complained because they weren’t experiencing the comfortable life they anticipated.	He complained out of deep desperation to be relieved of his heavy burden of care for these people.
They complained to each other and to Moses, not to God.	He took his complaint of desperation to God.
Because they weren’t talking to God, they also weren’t listening to God.	He cried out and then listened to God’s response.

 

The Israelites’ complaints came from a sense of entitlement.

Moses’ complaint came from a sense of responsibility.

Are we doomed to always be just like the Israelites?

One thing I hear often that grates on me like nails on a chalkboard (does anyone remember what that sounds like?) is “We Christians are just like the Israelites.”

That is a tremendously sad commentary on the life of the New Covenant believer.

Because, my friends, we don’t have to be.

We don’t have to be like little children complaining about our less-than-comfortable physical circumstances.

In our overwhelm and despair, we can turn to the Lord and seek answers from Him.

And we can actually expect answers from Him.

We can grow up.

Since Untwisting Scriptures Book 3 is about your emotions as well as your words, I talk a good bit in it about maturity, growing up. Moving from childish emotions to maturity in our expression of our emotions. All with an understanding of the role played by trauma.

I remember when I was young reading the heading of Psalm 102 (KJV):

“A prayer of the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed
and poureth out his complaint before the Lord.”

As a teenager who wasn’t experiencing abuse but was experiencing hormones, I had plenty of complaints of a teenage variety. I took many of them to the Lord and poured them out before Him.

My complaints generally centered around my social stuntedness and my lack of boyfriend. Very, VERY different from the complaints David was expressing in Psalm 102.

But it was a tiny start for me. Childish and immature, but a start. At least I was going to the Lord.

It is a foundational place from which to grow out of the childishness of the Old Testament Israelites.

Is it wrong to go to anyone other than God with our complaints?

That’s a question that may arise from the set of contrasts I listed above.

So what about us as we grow in maturity? Can we go to anyone other than the Lord with our complaints?

Yes, the Bible also makes it clear that, besides going to the Lord, it’s often appropriate to go to a “skin-on” person who can help as well.

Acts 6 tells a story about the bursting-at-the seams new church of our Lord. But there was a problem.

Now in these days when the disciples were increasing in number, a complaint by the Hellenists [Jews who had been “Greekified”] arose against the Hebrews [Jews who maintained their Jewish speech and customs] because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.

There was a double standard. And someone was complaining about it.

The apostles, who loved the Lord and others, listened to that complaint. They took that complaint seriously and did something to correct it.

Do you see?

The Scriptures show that pointing out a double standard that needs to change is one very appropriate kind of complaint to make to those who can do something about it.

There are others. As we study them, we can form a robust understanding of what it means to “complain” in Scripture. Both good and bad. Appropriate and inappropriate. Mature and immature. Punishable and rewardable.

An invitation to mature complaining

When “complaining” is always seen as sinful and bad, then that’s one more way wounded souls are shut down.

I’ve written about this at length before: there’s a chapter in Untwisting Scriptures Book 3 called “Why Are You So Negative? A Response to ‘Positive’ People” that specifically addresses “complaining.” (In it I go after that unbiblical Christian buzzphrase, “I’m doing better than I deserve.”)

There’s a world of difference between entitled grumbling and honest lament or honest expression of need.

Rather than avoiding all expressions of dissatisfaction, Scripture invites us to:

• Take our distress to the Lord.
• Be honest about our needs.
• Listen for His response.
• Grow in emotional and spiritual maturity.

Complaining isn’t always bad. When it flows from a heart seeking God, it can become the beginning of healing and provision.

So no, we’re not doomed to repeat the mistakes of the Israelites.

We can grow. We can speak. We can cry out.

And, in Christ and through His faithful people, we can be heard, seen, and helped.

 

 

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