Last Friday morning I wrote and posted a response (link) to Michael Pearl’s blog post in which he answered the questions of a woman who, with her children, was living with an abusive husband (link).
The title of my post, “Dear Michael Pearl, this is what righteous anger looks like” seemed self-evident. This is because, as it so happened, the previous morning someone else had written to ask me a question that in God’s providence prepared me for Friday morning.
She asked for my thoughts on a short lesson about anger from the Thomas Nelson Women’s Study Bible (WSB), edited by Dorothy Kelley Patterson and Rhonda Kelley. (There appear to be dozens of editions of this Bible available, but I’m linking to one of the most recent ones.)
Here is the lesson, found at Ecclesiastes 7:9. (in this edition it’s on page 982.) [perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=11″”]Anger can most often be defined as an emotional response to a perceived wrong or injustice. Hence, anger is normally expressed when a woman misinterprets circumstances, makes a mistake in judgment, or reacts quickly because she feels threatened or hurt. This anger is unjustified and sinful. This anger, in effect, denies the power of God to care for your needs and hurts and can even completely take over your life. There are many warnings about the danger of anger in Scripture (Eccl. 7:9, Matt. 5:22; Eph 4:26, 31). Most often, you should leave your anger or wrath at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to act in your behalf. [/perfectpullquote]
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=11″”]God’s anger is always perfectly controlled and expressed (Ps 30:5; 78:38). There are examples of righteous anger given in Scripture, such as Moses’ anger toward the children of Israel for not trusting in God and following Him (Ex. 32:19). Righteous anger can be described as one that results when God’s laws and His will are knowingly disobeyed. The concern must be for righteousness and reconciliation, never for personal vengeance coming out of our own hurts. We must be careful to take our anger to the Lord for Him to analyze and manage. [/perfectpullquote]
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=11″”]Do you act or react? The answer to this simple question will most likely reveal any weaknesses you have in expressing the emotion of anger. A person who acts knows who she is, what she believes, and how she should behave (Col. 3:23, 24). She not only knows this information, but she chooses to act upon it. Another person’s actions do not dictate her reactions, but rather the wisdom of the Lord is her mainstay (Col 3:16, 17). [/perfectpullquote]
The first thing I did was look up every Scripture the writer referenced and read and study them in context—an important thing to do when analyzing someone else’s Bible teachings. I’ll address those below.
But first, you may have noticed a few words that cause concern.
[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=11″”]Anger can most often be defined as an emotional response to a perceived wrong or injustice. [/perfectpullquote]
From the very first sentence that word perceived invalidates the woman’s sense of wrong or injustice having taken place. It calls her perceptions into question. This is the very thing abusers do.
“You totally don’t get my sense of humor, babe. I said you weren’t a piece of meat. Don’t you get it?”
“You overreact to everything. When I talk about killing the kids, you don’t think I’m really going to kill them, do you?”
“Well, you think what I did was wrong, but I’m telling you, I wouldn’t be doing it if you weren’t such a piece of work. You need to get your s**t together and then everything will be ok.”
So, the abuser indicates, the wrong against her dignity, personhood, and safety, and that of her children, is only a perceived wrong. And then she comes to the WSB and reads the same thing.[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””] Hence, anger is normally expressed when a woman[/perfectpullquote][perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]misinterprets circumstances, [/perfectpullquote]“See, what did I tell you? It’s all in your head. You’re a mental case.”[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””] makes a mistake in judgment, [/perfectpullquote]“You know you can’t trust your own perceptions. You need me to help you see reality.”[perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]or reacts quickly because she feels threatened or hurt. [/perfectpullquote]“Whoa! Where did that come from? You always overreact, you know that?” [perfectpullquote align=”full” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]This anger is unjustified and sinful. [/perfectpullquote]
The author has set up a straw man, which, of course, is very easy to knock down. The author assumes that in the majority of cases a woman has no good reason to be angry, and she’s mixed up about what she’s perceiving. Then this anger is named as sinful.
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This is a more complete version of the study I did last Thursday morning, the day before I wrote the post on Friday regarding Michael Pearl’s counsel. As in any case of righteous anger, my anger was motivated by love, love for those who are being abused and love for the God who cares for them and was being misrepresented.
Also, in accord with the examples of righteous anger I gave above, my anger was controlled. No one else became the target of my anger, and I didn’t harbor it. Although I’m sure I haven’t executed my righteous anger flawlessly, and am truly sorry if there was any sin involved, I did make a point, before speaking, while speaking, and after speaking, to go to God with my anger, as I’ve done many times through the past few years.
I went to Him in confidence that He is the Just Judge, the One who will one day fully and completely set all things right. Until that day, He calls on His people to be His hands and feet in this world, to judge justly, and to plead the cause of the oppressed.
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Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
Rebecca, thanks. I am only part way into this excellent post, but had a question. Do you remember where the statistic about 25% of Christian women being in abusive marriages came from? That is a stunning figure.
Yes, I agree, it is. But those statistics are readily available. Here’s one example: http://www.ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics
My voice feels like a drop in the ocean being swept away in the torrent when I see the latest statistics released by WHO surrounding exploitation of women. Sexual exploitation is historical however it appears that it is spreading at an unprecedented rate. It has become so woven into the global landscape that it has become normalized. So ingrained that we have now given this monster the title of “Rape Culture”.
WHO Stats:
Violence against women – particularly intimate partner violence and sexual violence – are major public health problems and violations of women’s human rights.
Recent global prevalence figures indicate that about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one third (30%) of women who have been in a relationship report that they have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner.
(I was unable to hyperlink the above please copy and paste into your browser.)
In my quest to understand this culture, I began investigating the underlying structures that enable this exploitation to flourish. The Church is one of those structures.
The following two excerpts have been reverberating for me. Shocked is an understatement.
The Women’s Crusade by Kristof and Wudunn (New York Times magazine)
“The global statistics on the abuse of girls are numbing. It appears that more girls and women are now missing from the planet, precisely because they are female, than men were killed on the battlefield in all the wars of the 20th century. The number of victims of this routine “gendercide” far exceeds the number of people who were slaughtered in all the genocides of the 20th century.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/23/magazine/23Women-t.html?_r=0
Dismantling Rape Culture around the world: A Social Justice imperative by Pamela R. Fletcher, Associate Professor of Women Studies, St. Catherine University, St. Paul, Minnesota.
“Based on our research and analysis of the high incidence of sexual violence perpetrated around the world, we contend that the term rape culture encompasses widespread anti-female attitudes and values, and the resultant oppressive conditions women and children encounter in the global institution of patriarchy.
Misogyny and sexism are the cornerstones of patriarchy that enable a rape culture to flourish”
http://forumonpublicpolicy.com/Vol2010.no4/archive.vol2010.no4/fletcher.pdf
It has further been determined that this exploitation is not unique to developing countries rather in developed nations it is concealed or trivially dismissed as individual misfortune rather than a cultural phenomenon.
Thank you, Trish. Yes, it can be overwhelming looking at it all, and if we look at the whole thing, we might be immobilized. Today when I was praying, I said, “God, I just want to rescue the whole world.” But really, that’s His job, and no one else’s but His. We’re called to be His hands and feet in the arena He puts before us, and the Holy Spirit of God will energize each of us according to the calling He has given us in reaching out to others to help them as we continue to “seek His face” and look to Him for that empowerment. One of the most important thing for Christians, I think, is to realize that this problem is not just “out there.” It is IN our churches. We can refuse to be “Possums” and can become Protectors. https://heresthejoy.com/2017/05/the-other-kind-of-hypocrisy/
Going through a divorce from an abuser who has always been protected by the church has left me with quite a bit of righteous anger. Recently, I have been dealing with a family member who has started to lecture me much like this Bible study lesson. I stand my ground and know what Scripture says, but I may point them to this article for support, because they believe my mind is so clouded that I couldn’t be thinking right.
Thank you Ms. Davis! Several years ago as God opened my eyes to the truth of my abusive marriage, I began to study God’s word more fervently than ever as I desperately searched for answers. Needless to say, I tossed all the so called “study bibles” because I found that they all interpreted scripture differently!
I believe that we are all called to be bible scholars for ourselves, NOT students of man, or woman as the case may be. I have an English-Greek translation of the new testament, and an English-Hebrew translation of the old testament is on my wish list. With the help of the Holy Spirit He helps me discern and understand His word clearly, and what a difference it has made!
I am 3 years free of a 32 year incredibly destructive marriage and God has called me to “Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy,” as it states in Proverbs 31:9.
The truth will indeed set us free.
Debbie
I’m very encouraged by your words, Debbie. I still read from the same old wide-margin Scofield “study” Bible I got when I was 23, but the Bible is full of places where I’ve crossed out Scofield’s headings and replaced them with other headings, and places where I’ve argued in the margins with his interpretations of the Scriptures. I’m afraid that when readers see notes in their Bibles, though they cognitively KNOW they’re not Scripture, they may tend to accept them more easily as the correct interpretation. It’s so important not to do that.
Dorothy Patterson, the author of this study Bible, is married to Paige Patterson, president of Southwestern Baptist Seminary. He once boasted of the fine counsel he provided to an abused woman when he told her to pray in front of her abusive husband and warned her, “Get ready because he may get a little more violent.” Next time he saw her at church she had two black eyes. But no worries! Today that man is the best husband ever, all thanks to Paige Patterson’s advice!
https://dannimoss.wordpress.com/clergy-abuse-links/abuse-in-the-church/paige-pattersons-views-on-domestic-violence/
I saw that Dorothy Patterson was Paige Patterson’s wife (and that the two editors of the book were sisters-in-law), but I certainly hadn’t seen this information–thank you! The first edition of The Women’s Study Bible was, I think, in 1995, and this story of Patterson’s was in 2000. I can’t help but think their beliefs are not much different from then, because they haven’t changed what they wrote in the Bible at all.
And I noticed he said she should “elevate” him, the same terrible counsel given to the “CBC Moscow” wife–the kind of counsel I’ve heard from several women caused them to be disbelieved when they finally did desperately ask for help.
I think I see what the study-Bible authors are trying to do — they’re trying to point out sinful anger. But they use the passive voice and, as you explained, launch immediately into invalidation and dismissal. Even for a non-abused woman, the idea that I’m usually sinfully angry is destructive. One of the most freeing ideas I read was that it was *good* to be angry over injustice and abuse — whether mine or someone else’s.
Always a caveat, of course — and I think you encapsulated it well here:
“This verse describes the anger of abusers, not victims.”
Thanks for this post.
Abusive anger is sinful, for sure. But when Jesus got angry–which He certainly did–it wasn’t abusive. As you say, He was angry in the right way, over things that it’s right to be angry about. He sets the example for us.