From Anna:

I dedicate this writing to all those who took a hard fall after the rug was pulled out from under them. I recount my personal experience for those who also realized too late they were not in a safe place.

I warn the trusting believer whose simple confidence in a “godly” environment makes them vulnerable to ungodly tactics.

And I speak to the person who thinks that bullies on the kindergarten playground and clique members from middle school are locked in the distant past. They are not. We encounter them today, still bullying and still elevating themselves for personal gain. 

Though this behavior is not unusual in a church environment, it can be shocking to those who have never experienced it before.

It can be hard to spot Christian bullies when they wear a clever disguise. 

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The masquerade ball

In 1966, nearly 500 elite members of society came together for a celebrated event called the Black and White Masked Ball. Movies also depict balls with elaborate masks and the intrigue of hidden identities. In this scenario the mask is the superstar, drenching the ball in deception, allowing the wearer a few hours of make believe, exuding a sense of mystery and adventure.

Of course, in those cases, the illusion is temporary. After hours of speculation, fantasy is replaced with reality when guests remove their masks. After the party ends, regular life resumes.

But what if the deception takes place not in party form, but in everyday living? What if someone decides to hide behind a phony face until their hoax becomes a fraudulent reality?

Now the mask is permanent and so is the pretense.

Welcome to the world of religion without relationship.

When it comes into the church

Many of us lived years, even decades, enduring a masked ball in street clothes, with church leaders disguised as true shepherds swirling around us. The religious mask they wear is a facade of trust, honesty, truth, gentleness, strength, justice, and most of all, genuine Christian love.

With this mask, a pretender may feign sincerity for personal satisfaction. If a religious leader can beguile his way into a church through clever speech, a confident demeanor, and a graduate degree from the right Christian University or Seminary, the opportunity for advancement is unlimited. An obscure pastoral role can even be a career steppingstone to a more impressive position in a larger church, Christian organization, or University.

Masked on the fast track

“I’m called to church ministry!” Super Boy announces in his youth group.

“Amen!” says the youth leaders.

“We will pray for you!” says the deacons.

“You’re just in time to enter the high school preacher boy sermon contest,” says the Christian school principal.

“Here’s an application to my University. I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m on the board of directors,” says the pastor with the honorary doctorate.

And so it goes. Super Boy becomes Super Collegiate, Super Graduate Student, Super Intern, and finally, Super New Staff Member at “We’re Too Big and Too Busy to Know You, but Glad You’re Here!” Baptist Church.

Weary of the masks

Isaiah 50:4 (Amplified Classic)
(The servant of God says)
The Lord God has given me the tongue of a disciple
And of one who is taught,
That I should know how to speak a word in season
To him who is weary.
He wakens me morning by morning,
He wakens my ear to hear as a disciple
(As one who is taught).

How long has it been since you heard a church leader speak a word in season when you were weary?

When was the last time you sat through a Sunday service that delivered the balm of Gilead to your anxious spirit?

Did anyone remind you of your position in Christ and the victorious power that is available through the Spirit of God?

Most of all, did any spiritual leader emphasize to you the constant, extravagant love of God?

Our brother in Christ, the apostle Paul, could hardly contain himself as he wrote about this in Ephesians. He spoke fervently in one long sentence.

Ephesians 1:17-21 (Amplified Classic)
“(For I always pray to) the God of our Lord Jesus Christ,
The Father of glory, that He may grant you
A spirit of wisdom and revelation,
(Of insights into mysteries and secrets) in the (deep and intimate)
Knowledge of Him,
By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light,
So that you can know and understand the hope
To which He has called you,
And how rich is His glorious inheritance of the saints
(His set-apart ones),
And (so that you can know and understand) what is the immeasurable
And unlimited, and surpassing greatness of His power
In and for us who believe,
As demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength,
Which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead,
And seated Him at His own right hand in the heavenly (places),
Far above all rule and authority and power and dominion
And every name that is named
(Above every title that can be conferred),
Not only in this age, and in this world,
But also in the age and the world which are to come.” 

Escaping from the masquerade

That passage is dear to my heart because years ago, my recovery from church trauma hinged on memorizing all six chapters of Paul’s letter. I often say I lived in Ephesians for twenty years. I used the Amplified Classic translation for my memory work, taking time to savor every phrase.

This project began because of one specific word in one verse. “I need this verse on the inside of me,” I said to myself.

Immediately, God pressed into my spirit, “You need the whole book inside you.” And so it began.

The church trauma I experienced sidelined me for months before I could read Scripture or pray again.

My Bible and prayer box went under my bed and stayed there for almost a year. I cried every day.

My situation was not sexual abuse, but I referred to it as emotional rape.

Here’s how the masquerade began.

The masquerade backstory

The new senior pastor came and settled into his “ministry” at church.

Based on a glowing recommendation, the congregation trusted his leadership. Because he was from out of town, no one recognized the mask. His ambitious spirit lay behind the veneer of a smooth, well-spoken demeanor. Cunning social interactions masked an agenda to bring his flock into complete submission.

His arrival came just in time for the beginning of the new school year, which was important for a church with its own Christian school.

Within the church was a new church school employee. She was an experienced teacher and eager to help with her children’s tuition. She and her family were newer members of the church, but had built solid friendships within the congregation. They willingly followed the expectations of church members.

A new student with obvious learning and behavioral difficulties was enrolled in this new teacher’s classroom. After a week or two, the teacher urged the administration to place the child in another classroom that offered a half day school schedule. This would allow the young student a more successful adjustment to a structured learning environment.

Her professional recommendation was denied.

An experienced principal would have quickly recognized that the child needed additional readiness testing and other standardized evaluation procedures. But this first-year principal was inexperienced in school administration. No training resources were available to the teacher, and limited professional help was short term. She was on her own.

In spite of this, throughout the fall months in the midst of an extremely stressful situation, the teacher maintained a successful classroom.

It takes only one or two disgruntled individuals to bring another person down. This happens when the spiritual connections within a congregation is “man to man” instead of “man to God.” Perhaps to curry favor with the new leadership, a few influential members worked behind the scenes to create doubt about this teacher’s professional expertise. Her credibility and previous teaching success were disregarded.

But their expressionless masks never revealed the misrepresentation they created behind the scenes.

The teacher continued through the fall semester with optimism and creativity. The students and their parents gave enthusiastic approval. But there were no efforts by the administration to provide team help for her regarding classroom difficulties with the troubled student. Her colleagues kept their counsel. The teacher was still on her own.

A masked religious leader can get away with almost any behavior if the congregation allows it. This leader’s mask of authority covered the face of guile.

The staff hid their fear of man behind masks of friendship.

In early December the administration agreed to transfer the child to another school for specialized care.

The new teacher felt encouraged and supported by the decision. In the remaining weeks of the semester she and her students bonded in the blossoming learning environment.

The rug pulled out

Shockingly, in January of the new year came the call for the teacher’s resignation.

She was blindsided. There was no wrongdoing, no reason, to warrant this action. The request made no sense. The teacher had managed to bring joy to her classroom while simultaneously always keeping safety and order.

I was that teacher. I was told that the church deacons held a meeting one evening to discuss the situation.

Situation? What situation? I wondered. No one explained anything to me. In hindsight, it almost appeared as if these circumstances were prearranged. Apparently, another person was already prepared to take over the class. 

Grief and confusion

That first night after hearing the news I never went to sleep. I never even went to bed. I lay on the couch and shook until I got up the next morning. 

Psalm 20:1 (Amplified Classic)
“May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!
May the Name of the God of Jacob set you up on high
(And defend you).” 

One young couple whose child was a student in my class spoke fervently in my favor, expressing outrage at the obvious power play from the new leader. The ensuing vitriol against them brought difficult consequences for their own family.

No one met with me. No one talked to me. The masked religious leader had a meeting with my classroom parents who asked him point blank why I was not returning. “She and I thought it best not to discuss it,” I later heard he said.

But he and I never had a face-to-face meeting. I never agreed not to discuss it, whatever “it” was.

2 Samuel 11:27b
“But God saw what David had done as evil.” 

Almost all turned away. Almost no one reached out. My family and I had known most of the people in the congregation and on the staff for over ten years.

I had no say in what was officially communicated. I had no opportunity to speak in any official capacity about what actually happened. Speculations abounded. Whisperers and gossips had no trouble committing “murder with the tongue.”

I wanted to fight back. I wanted to defend my reputation, clear my name, and get rid of the huge question mark they placed over my head. At the very least I wanted to find out why.

I considered legal action, but God spoke into my spirit, “Don’t say one word.” The authority of those four words overpowered my desire for retribution. God had clearly spoken in His own way, and with His own words. I trusted Him. I gave my reputation to Him.

Isaiah 54:17 (Amplified Classic)
“But no weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue that rises against you in judgment
You shall show to be in the wrong.”

Recovery from the masquerade

My recovery took time. Eventually, God opened other doors for successful teaching experiences. Sadly, my fears kept me from accepting promotion when it was offered. I continued to suffer from insecurities.

Our family left the masquerade.

We sought God’s leading as we searched for a new church. We willingly left what we thought was the “safe” world of our former denomination. We did not pursue a particular denomination. We looked for God’s Presence in our journey.

Many months later and many church visits later we were heartily welcomed into a new gathering of believers. We learned how to pray. We learned how to listen to the Spirit of God. We learned how to live confidently in the love of our heavenly Father. We found this gracious Christian community because we decided to stop “looking for a church” and start looking for God. 

Jeremiah 29:13 (KJV)
“And you will seek Me,
And find Me,
When you search for Me with all your heart.” 

Isaiah 32:17 (Amplified Classic)
“And the effect of righteousness will be peace (internal and external),
And the result of righteousness will be quietness
And confident trust forever.” 

A year or so ago a friend asked me what I learned from this experience. My immediate answer was that I learned to give my reputation to God. I can’t control what people think about me or what they say about me. He knows the way I take.

It’s been a long time since I’ve recited Ephesians. My current memory portions are from the Gospel of John. John 15 warms my heart as I hear our Lord Jesus inviting us to abide in Him.

I would plead the same for you, to abide in Him. I can’t tell you how to do this, but I know He will lead you as He led me.

I pray for you.

Lovingly, Anna Kurz

 

 

 

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