(aka, “Don’t Gossip about Offenses”)
The “Someone Offends Me” Chart
Some time ago, the Victory Today Facebook page posted someone’s Bible study notes without context. As of this writing, 2.5 years later, it has been reposted (Shared) 88 THOUSAND times.
The original author said that in her original context, she was only talking about small things, and she was sorry this was shared without her context. So with that disclaimer I’ll proceed, because Victory Today gave only this chart, and this is the only context that 88,000 people had for reposting it.
You can see that post here, but this is basically the way it went:
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SOMEONE OFFENDS ME |
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This concept of “not talking about offenses against you” is a huge one in the Christian world. So let’s think about it.
There are times when going only to God is exactly what we need to do. There are times when ignoring an “offense” is the right thing.
But there are times when we need to do more than that. Scriptural figures set the example for us.
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Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rebecca, this is so very full of Biblical Truth!!! …and thank you again for busting hurtful and harmful misconceptions “floating” around among Christians! So much advice given to victims is based on the dangerous misconception that “we just need to be more understanding of others and their offenses; after all, we all sin,” with no consideration to the seriousness of the offense… what a huge disservice to others, and to our selves. I feel passionately about this because I gave this kind of advice to others and to myself for decades… I had no clue that I was disobeying God instead of obeying Him! Jane
Praise God for the untwisting He accomplishes for us.
Do you think Abigail, naming Nabul’s character fits in this discussion?
Yes, she certainly named him as a fool.
That erroneous teaching did so much damage. The truth of scripture, what God intended, is a healing balm.
Thank you.
Well said, Rebecca!
Yes, there are many kinds of offense. While counseling about this matter, I find it helpful to distinguish between taking offense (such as the woman who was offended when she visited our church and discovered I was not R.C. Sproul) or truly being offended (such as by someone’s sinful comment or action).
We then work through this.
(1) Was the offense a violation of God’s moral law or biblical principle? If so, then the offense was a sin.
(2) Or, was the offense a violation of my personal expectations, wants or preferences? If so, then the offense was not sinful. It could not be properly and biblically classified as a sinful or even a wrongful offense.
So, there is a difference between being offended and taking offense.
Should we never say anything about those who truly offended, even sinfully offended us? That’s nowhere to be found in the Bible.
The idea of “never giving a bad report” has been a weapon in the hands of those who claim to be pious in order to shut the mouths of those who know the truth about sins, sinful offenses, and abuse. I’ve even heard and been told in several instances that telling what someone did that was sinful or evil was even more sinful or evil than the original offense!
In one case, a fellow pastor told me I should not be saying anything at all about an egregious matter. “What about Matthew 18, where we are to tell it to the elders?” He said to do so was probably a sin of gossip or slander.
Mind boggling how far off from real Christianity some of these church leaders are. Thank you, Don.
I love this post, Rebecca!! And it is SO needed!
Good examination of the issue. I have noticed that abusers DO focus, all too often on how the offended is ‘withholding forgiveness’ without ever addressing the issue of their actions that strain or damage the relationship. In other words, the abuser has the expectation that the abused will simply ‘forgive’, with the true issue of the abuse taken off the table. The abuser never seems to understand, or willfully ignores the fact that relationships are subject to being damaged beyond any reasonable expectation of repair. Put another way, forgiveness and fellowship/relationship are at times necessarily separate entities for emotional or physical survival.
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Yes, good thoughts.