To Church People who Think Husbands Should Rape Their Wives

Content Warning. Obviously.

A friend sent me the infamous sermon clip this morning. Here is a link from Sarah McDugal so you can see it yourself:

I was incensed. But I was trying to finish a deadline for a book I’m ghostwriting, and then I had to get ready for a score of people coming for Thanksgiving.

But then a reporter from Julie Roys contacted me to get a quote about it.

“I’m not really your person,” I said. “I talk about domestic abuse a little, but mostly I focus on untwisting Scriptures.”

She said, “That’s what this is about.”

She read me the snippet of a Bible verse that he quoted.  “You are not your own.” That meant, he said, that you belong to your husband and he should be able to rape you.

He actually TOLD husbands to rape their wives.

Here’s where I’m going to get graphic. You have been warned.

This is not about wives acting cute and coy and giving a “no” that is really a “yes,” which is toxic teaching all on its own.

This is about rape, which is not gentle. It is beastly. It is sometimes even done with other equipment, like kitchen tools and curling irons.

I have a husband who has always been supremely gentle with me, so I do not speak from personal experience. I speak from the stories of scores of women whose voices need to be heard.

“You are not your own,” this preacher said.

This is a prime example of Scripture twisting.

“You are not your own” does NOT mean you belong to your husband for him to do with whatsoever he will, to use and bruise and toss aside, wiping his mouth and saying, “I have done no wrong.”

“You are not your own” is a snippet from 1 Corinthians 6:17-20.

But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

This is about your body belonging to God, not your husband. Do not do sexually immoral things with your body, because it belongs to God.

Your body belongs to God, and you and your husband can “belong” to each other in the sense that you can mutually care for each other.

You will abstain from immorality because you belong to the Lord.

But how many will actually look at the Scripture, to understand it? From my experience, not many.

If we understand the Scripture, we will be better equipped to refute false teachers such as this one.

Because teachings such as this are devastating the body of Christ.

UPDATE: This man has resigned in ignominy and given an “unqualified apology.” A statement from his denomination is here: https://www.nadadventist.org/news/north-american-division-responds-statement-new-york-conference-regarding-harmful-comments-made

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Joel Horst
12 days ago

Thank you, Rebecca. I watched the clip and was flabbergasted that anyone had the audacity to actually say those words out loud. To literally tell men to rape their wives.

This wasn’t telling men that the best women to have an affair with was their wives. That would be different. He explicitly used the word “rape”, which indicates forcing oneself on another sexually. It is the exact opposite of what Jesus teaches, even if it were not a crime.

But it is. Which means that he is guilty of promoting criminal activity. I hope that there is some sort of legal ramification to his encouragement of crime.

Colin Bowman
Colin Bowman
12 days ago

I found the pastor’s person and his perspective impenetrable. Even without reference to the Bible, the message is wrong. Which begs questions about the person. There was little sense that he was carrying his congregation with him. The only strained validity in what he had to say, was that a married couple could safeguard one another across sexuality; but for that there would have to be an equality (of agency and safeguarding) that he was denying to wifes.
On the other hand, Sarah’s next video, which came on automatically, gave person and perspective which were both accessible and valid through and through. I too self-identify as autistic, while rejecting the current medicalised modelling and view of the autistic. Was lovely to see her carrying off “coming out”; maybe the first time I’ve seen autistic coming out being done on a public stage.

Linda
Linda
12 days ago

Right on all points!! Thanks for all you do Rebecca. 🙂 You are a blessing!!

Wild Honey
Wild Honey
12 days ago

That verse applies equally well to husbands. “Your body is not your own,” so don’t use it to rape your wife and do harm to one of God’s children!

BEV STERK
BEV STERK
11 days ago

that is one very sick & twisted version of distorting scripture. If anyone thinks raping their wife or anyone is acceptable, let alone biblical, they are deeply deceived & sinning against the temple of the Holy Spirit & against the Image Deo… there is no place for rape anywhere, & especially in the Church! rape is the very opposite of the principles in God’s word, and the opposite of how Christ treats His Bride… talk about a warped, depraved porn mentality! ughhhhhh!!!

Leslie Klipp
Leslie Klipp
11 days ago

I could not bring myself to watch the clip. This wolf in sheep’s clothing deserves his end. Jude 4, 2 Peter 2:14

Jolanta
Jolanta
11 days ago

Colin Bowman, what do you mean Sarah coming out as autistic? I couldn’t find it.

Melissa Brown
Melissa Brown
11 days ago

We really do not know which verse he was twisting here, but let’s just say it was that one. Consequently, that verse applies to the man as well. He is also not his own, and so he is also not supposed to do sexually immoral things, bc he belongs to God. This means you don’t rape your wife bc that is sexually immoral and you are not your own!

Julie
11 days ago

What is so horrifying is that he’s so glib about it. Smiley. Like: of course! This makes sense. How could life be any other way? 
He/they are always so dang sure!! Men, rape your wives. Of course! There can be no other way to work marriage!

How about “husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her”?
Nope. This is the way marriage works. Don’t question. Don’t bring up any other scripture. Don’t be kind or understanding on with another. This. THIS is how things are going to go.

They’re just so dang sure!

Julie
11 days ago

What is so horrifying is that he’s so glib about it. Smiley. Like: of course! This makes sense! How could life be any other way?

He/they are always so dang sure! Men, rape your wives. Of course! There can be no other way to work marriage!

How about, “Hisbands love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her”?

Nope. This is the way marriage works. Don’t question. Don’t bring up any other scripture. Don’t be kind or understanding one with another. This. THIS is how things are going to go.

They’re just so dang sure!

Steve240
11 days ago

I also shared this on Facebook.

Taking another look at this, saying “the best person to rape is your wife” sadly implies that it is OK to rape women in general but your preference to raping a woman should be your own wife.

Absolutely sick!

It is bad enough teaching that it is OK for the husband to force himself on his wife, but the implication of this statement is sadly saying a lot more.

Was this man not thinking?

Beverly
Beverly
9 days ago

What about the product of marital rape?

Joy Harris
Joy Harris
9 days ago

I followed the adventist link but “page not found”. I was wondering when he made that statement and if he was referring to the July 2017 “60 Minutes” airing of my story.