I’m reflecting on a few verses in Titus 2. When I was young, in my 30s, I wanted so much to one day be an older woman teaching the younger.
But life can end up looking different from what we expected when we were younger, you know what I mean?
And it seems in some circles that those who call attention to abusive teachings and behaviors are not considered to be “Titus 2” women.
So I wanted to compare my current life with the description Paul gave in verses 3-5 of Titus 2. After telling Titus
That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
Paul said this about older women (here in the KJV):
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Let’s think about it.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness (ESV, “that they be reverent in behavior”). I teach the importance of living lives of integrity before God, the same in public, in private, and in secret. This is the life by God’s grace I seek to live myself. Speaking and acting in a way that shows I am gladly aware that the most holy Most High God is ever present with us.
Not false accusers (ESV “slanderers”). In my public work, I generally try to analyze teachings as compared to God’s Word, the Christian Scriptures.
I would never accuse anyone falsely on purpose, but in my private work, I tend to believe those who have been harmed.
Not given to much wine. Well, people tease me for it, but my “not much” is none.
Teachers of good things. Yes! I teach the beauty of the Christian life as lived in our Lord Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. These are very good things.
That they may teach the young women to be sober. Sober: “restored to one’s senses.” This is what the Untwisting Scriptures series is all about. I also wrote more about that here.
To love their husbands. I do want women to love their husbands. If their husbands are abusers, then here are some thoughts about the way to love them.
To love their children. Oh goodness yes. As I learn more about attachment and brain development I understand far more now as a grandparenting.
To be discreet. This means “being of a sound mind, sane, in one’s senses.” So much of my Untwisting Scriptures work is about that. This word also means “self-controlled, temperate.” I do have that opportunity when, for example, a woman wants help with a pornography addiction. As we work together we can see the Lord change those desires, attractions, and addictions as He draws near and she experiences the joy of His presence.
To be chaste. This means “pure from carnality.” Yes, this is one of my longings, in this increasingly “carnal” culture, for young women to be able to turn their hearts more fully toward the Lord Jesus Christ and be filled with His Spirit, resulting in increasing purity of heart and soul.
To be keepers at home. When home is a place of well being—that is, love and safety—what better place is there than home? It is my favorite place to be. Even if life circumstances mean that a woman cannot be at home as much as her heart desires, she can still have a heart to guard and keep the home. Yes, I do want to encourage this, very much.
To be good. I pray this be one of the heart cries of each younger woman who comes to me. “Lord, I want to be good.” Yes, this is possible in our Lord Jesus Christ!
To be submissive to their own husbands. “To have the attitude of voluntarily cooperating and assuming responsibility and burden bearing.” I do want to encourage this, and when a husband and wife practice teamwork as this word implies, it is a beautiful thing. When the husband is not a good man, or if he has a mental illness or disorder or other issue that makes him unsafe, I want to help younger women see how to get themselves and their children safe while still recognizing their husbands as individuals that our Lord God wants to redeem.
That the Word of God be not blasphemed. When I think of the “Word of God,” I first think of the Lord Jesus Christ. Our desire is that the Lord Jesus Christ not be evil spoken of. We want to shine forth His glory, power, and love in our lives. I pray that my life will always point others to Him.
Recently I posted some of my life journey on my Untwisting Scriptures Facebook page. Here is (a slightly edited version of) that story.
Check out the girl in the white shirt and sweater. That’s me at the tender age of 19 in the spring of 1977, about a hundred years ago now.
That’s when I went to my first Bill Gothard “Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts” seminar, in large part because I had a slight crush on the guy who invited me. I managed to get there for all 30 or so hours, if I remember correctly.
And somehow, Bill Gothard was the most brilliant man I’d ever heard. I took my red notebook on our family vacation at the beach that summer and spent my hours reading over all the material again, causing my mother to be concerned about what had happened to me.
Brilliant. Just so brilliant. Here was the man who held the secrets of life.
I went back to the seminar again and again, because alumni get to attend free, and I knew a deal when I saw one. I was going to imbibe those teachings until they breathed out of me.
After I married, the only reason we didn’t become a completely immersed ATI (Gothard homeschooling) family is because my husband said no to it. He never bought into Gothard the way I had.
When he said no, I let the matter drop. I thought it would be too ironic for me to insist on doing something that was supposed to help me be a more submissive wife, when I would have to take matters into my own hands to do it.
Then in the 1990s my husband applied to work at Headquarters. If you have any background with Gothard, you know what “Headquarters” is.
How that happened is too long a story, but we were there, and we met Gothard and marveled about how short he was, and we stayed in the Corrie Ten Boom apartment.
I thought it would be a dream come true. The young people were so great! I was puzzled why the young women and young men never interacted with each other, but they were all so polite and pleasant I didn’t dwell on that question. Something about “not wanting to defraud,” which I didn’t understand, but I just shrugged and enjoyed the lively atmosphere.
My husband saw red flags that he didn’t fully get either, but he knew it wasn’t the place for him.
The red notebook was still on the shelf, but I never opened it anymore. I felt a little wistful that we weren’t an ATI family, but we carried on.
Then it went into the attic. And years rolled by. YEARS, I’m telling you. Decades, even. We raised our four children and homeschooled for 24 years.
Then social media came along.
Through friends in the Greenville, SC, area, I became aware of the sexual abuse investigation in the Bob Jones University world. Someone told me that as a child she had been told to “yield her rights.” Which meant horrible abuse.
I was so appalled. But I was also scrambling through my brain. It sounded familiar.
I pulled my red notebook out of the attic. There I found statements like this in my own handwriting: “When we get rid of our rights we will get rid of our anger.”
But now I was in my 50s, and life looked very different. (I had also spent many, many hours in the Scriptures.)
I began to speak out about the problems. But only on social media, not at Here’s the Joy.
“Keep Here’s the Joy separate from these abuses you’re seeing,” I told myself. “It’s a devotional blog, not a place to talk about abuse. Keep it separate. This isn’t the place for that.”
Sometimes I couldn’t help myself, like here. But for the most part, I tried to keep a lid on it.
But then in 2014, something happened.
Lack of logic and common sense, as it turns out, drives me a little nuts.
Taking Bible verses out of context does the same.
So then, imagine the crazy-making happening in my head when I was speaking up on social media in 2014 about abuse in the Bob Jones University world, and I found that the pushback I was getting (a LOT of it) was full of illogic and out-of-context Bible verses.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I kept sputtering.
“That is NOT what that Bible verse is about,” I kept muttering.
After some time I came to what I might call an epiphany. “Christians don’t know the Bible. And Christians don’t think logically.” (Of course it wasn’t ALL Christians, but I was expressing what I felt like I was being surrounded with at the time.)
It took a while to wrap my head around it all.
On social media, as the Bob Jones University issue came to a head, I found that I had to keep responding to the same Bible verses so much that I wanted to make a website with a page of FQBVs (that’s Frequently Quoted Bible Verses, heh).
As I kept doggedly writing and responding, one friend said to me, “Rebecca I think your strength is analysis.” Well, that was a relief. It was good to find out I had a strength.
Eventually the responses to the FQBVs and illogic and other pushback went onto the now-dormant BJUGrace website. Eventually I started addressing sermons and writings.
At the time, I felt passionate to untwist some very particular twisted thinking for some friends of mine. I researched to find WHERE someone SURELY had addressed the concepts of “bitterness” and “rights” from a Biblical standpoint. (Not just said that it was wrong, but studied the whole thing in the Bible and laid it out.) I couldn’t find it ANYwhere.
I scoured the Recovering Grace website. Bill Gothard had originated or at least propelled these false teachings, so plenty of people were talking about them. But no one that I could find was actually taking these particular teachings back to the Scriptures . . . and to logic . . . to straighten them out.
Finally, like the Little Red Hen, I said, “I guess I’ll have to do it myself.”
So I did.
I did the same thing with the noxious concept of “not taking up offenses.” I saw some people saying it was wrong to “take up offenses,” but I couldn’t find where anyone had gone to the Bible with it and laid it all out Biblically.
I needed to do it myself. So I did.
All three of those untwistings became multiple blog posts first on the BJUGrace site, and then eventually a few of them went here, on my Here’s the Joy site, 2014 through early 2016.
And then I was urged to write a book about these things. I had been resisting that.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t or didn’t want to write—I was a writer. But I wrote nonfiction for children. I helped other people write nonfiction for adults.
I was not qualified to do this on my own, I said. I had no credentials, I said. This was not my job, I said. Someone else should do it, I said.
Blah, blah, blah.
Finally I said, “Yes, Lord, I’ll do it myself.”
So I did.
Right away, I knew what I wanted to call it: Untwisting Scriptures that were used to tie you up, gag you, and tangle your mind.
But I remember thinking, as I worked on that book, sometimes through tears, “Nobody’s going to read this book. Who do I think I am trying to write a book like this? I am NO ONE. I have no credentials. I have no formal training. I have no following. I have no authority. Why would anyone read this book?”
In the back of my heart, I truly did long for that first book to be the first of a series, but I was so afraid it would be a complete failure and I would never write another that I didn’t put “Book 1” on it.
That was six years ago. I continue to receive grateful responses about Book 1, and I remember those lonely days writing and formatting and publishing that book.
If you’ve been following me for a few years (hardly anyone has been, lol), then you already know all this. If you’re new, that gives you a glimpse into how I got where I am now.
And not long ago my daughter asked me, “How many of these books are you going to write, Mama?”
I said, “Well, I could probably write a hundred.” So many twisted Scriptures. So little time.
That was exaggeration, of course, as well as physically impossible. But there could be a few more, for sure.
The fourth one just came out last month. All of them are written with very nearly as much toil and tears as the first. All of them are written with love.
And all of them are written with the groaning desire for the truth of who the true God really is, the true Lord Jesus Christ, to be manifest to His people.
He longs to gather His people to Himself, as a hen gathers her chicks.
Oh my young friends, you think when you get old, the best life will be a coast downhill?
Follow Jesus, continue to learn of His goodness and love, commit to do hard things for Him as He leads, and you might just find that He says, “Come on, let’s go have an adventure!” You might find that He grabs you by your hand and starts racing. It won’t matter that your feet can’t keep up, because they’ll be flying out behind you like in the cartoons.
Well, maybe it won’t happen that way for you. But it has certainly felt that way for me.
Even as I am aware of great evil—dark, demonic, even satanic—I am also aware that our Most High God is good and loves to rescue the souls of those who look to Him for that rescue. In my own personal adventure of faith, I get to see that often. And for that, I praise Him.
Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
Loved all you had to say on your birthday.
Thank you so much, Colin.
Happy Birthday, Rebecca! I thank God for you, for your journey, for your words.
May you have many more!
Thank you so much, FreshGrace!
Rebecca Happy birthday! It doesn’t escape me that it falls on Labor Day. As I heal from the very distorted and twisted doctrine that you by the Holy Spirit untwist I praise God for you. Healing and standing up for Jesus and His Word can be a lonely journey. Often those former friends turn out to be enemies. Not so much mine but sadly enemies of the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. Your work and that of many other women has certainly not been in vain. There is a huge and often invisible congregation of wounded sheep shredded nearly to death by vicious wolves.They posture themselves as leaders in churches but truly are Jews who are not really Jews and entice people into what Jesus Christ calls synagogues of Satan (Rev. 3: 7 – 15). Their disciples are not only deceived but destructive as well. The Spirit of Judas is alive and well. May the Lord richly bless you this day and may He enable us all to persevere during these treacherous days…thanks for all you do.
Thank you so much, Wendy, and yes, I agree. We must keep close to the Lord in His strength in these treacherous days.
That was beautiful, Rebecca. As an analyzer myself, I have definitely enjoyed your books. I read them voraciously, with a feeling of- “WOW! Someone else gets it!! It’s ABOUT TIME someone wrote these things. I honestly felt relieved…. Well now I don’t have to do it 🙂 you’re older…. Ha ha…. God had you do it first :)There were several twisting a I hadn’t untwisted yet, so you sped along the process for me.
here I am, turning 45 in a few months. Homeschooled two that are married with their first little ones. One more teenager at home I’m shepherding. I’m in that stage of looking backward and forward simultaneously. Refusing any regrets that attempt to take me over like an ocean wave likes to tumble me around under the water and remembering that God is God of the past just as powerfully as He is God of the future. That He promises to use those things that affected my kids because of my own struggles- He promises to use them for good. And I’m wondering, what’s next? How is God going to use me next? I see some possibilities. I love your imagery of God grabbing our hand and running so fast our feet fly out behind us. Thank you for that. As I’m in a season of resting, He’s teaching me to pray. It is so different than what I ever imagined.
So thank you, friend I’ve never met. If you’re ever in the mood for a Rest in the mountains of Costa Rica, let me know. You can stay with us and we can discuss Jesus, His goodness and His Words over a cup of local coffee….
“Well, now I don’t have to do it.” Haha. That was what I was wanting to say. But as you can see, this calling became increasingly obvious.
And regrets, yes, I’ve had plenty. Even just this year mishandling a relationship. (Maybe I make fewer of these blunders as I get older, but the ones I make are doozies.)
But yes, we can look back on our “God of the past” to see what our unchanging “God of the future” will be like.
I’ve been in that season of resting too, and it’s so beautiful. It may return for me, but not quite yet, I think.
My husband would be drawn in by your offer of local coffee, if he’s invited too, haha. I would love to meet you in person.
I learned a lot from you today.
God bless you, Barb.
Happy birthday, Rebecca! Thank you for having a heart to untwist and continue to untwist more of Scripture for those of us who’ve lived under the oppression of leaders who groomed us to accept their teachings and lose our voices. I am finally out from under that oppression from my husband and from a mission board that colluded with him to make it okay and continue to disempower and control women. I’m not sure I will ever be able to trust a Christian leader again and have been reluctant to search for a group that gives women the equality they/we were created to enjoy. I don’t want to risk being duped again in the few years I have left in the land of the living. It’s been a lifetime. I won’t go further into my story here. I do want you to know that you’ve been a gift to this parched soul who needed to hear someone stand up for the truth!
Vicki, thank you so much for telling this little bit. I pray that God blesses you with a few close and trustworthy friends who love Jesus, whether they’re “leaders” or not. God bless you.
Happy Birthday, Rebecca! Thank you so much for sharing your story and for staying true to what God has called you to do.
As I shared in a Facebook comment, I have followed a similar path. I’m a few years younger than you, have three children, and homeschooled for about 19 years. I had friends who followed ATI back in the day, and I thought it was fishy, but had a hard time explaining why. I thought this about so much “Christian” teaching I heard all around me, that I too did what you did: I researched and studied myself, to find out what was really true!
I struggled, though. I did not have much of an earthly support system in this pursuit; most of the people around me went along with the teachings I found suspect. So it was a lonely, confusing road. I did not handle some of the conflict in my life very well, and regret that to this day. Thank God finally revealed to me a better way, but I wish it hadn’t taken so long!
But the conclusions I’ve come to about His truth are pretty much in line with yours, and I appreciate very much the clarity with which you present them. They are living water to the parched soul! I pray that your writings would reach the hands and eyes (and minds and hearts) of all who are so thirsty for this Truth!
Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Bonnie. I too have many regrets about things I’ve handled in less-than-stellar ways, to put it mildly. But God is faithful as we continue to follow Him. God bless you.
Thank you so much for the work you have done and continual efforts to get the truth out! Your labor is not in vain.
Thank you! And you remind me of my favorite Labor Day song, which I need to post: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPj3Kf7Dorw
Happy Birthday! Thank you for letting God use you to free people from the darkness and bondage of twisted Scriptures! So many people need that! Blessings to you and yours!!
Thank you so much, and to you as well!
Happy Birthday! I enjoyed reading your reflections. Thank you for following God’s leading and untwisting the FQBV’s.
Ha! Gotta love those FQBVs!
I love how the Lord has used your process of seeking Him, failing at times, and then using all of it to help others know Him rightly, and more fully. I love your story! He is good, and it always brings such Hope. Grateful for another year!
Yes, and amen. Grateful for you too, friend!
Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing! I just recently celebrated my 70th! Happy Birthday to you and thank you for all you do. It is a blessing to so many. And thank you for always staying faithful to the Lord. What a great testimony!
Thank you so much, Ellen, and God bless you!
Wow! Thank you for sharing your journey and your vision for life. Happy birthday, Rebecca!
Thank you so much, David. God bless you.
Happy Birthday!! Your books have been so comforting to me, to learn that why I’ve been uncomfortable with reading the Bible growing up, then increasingly as an adult…because the legalistic “church” was twisting the Scriptures and that was the lens I was reading with. Now, I’m slowly becoming more and more unafraid of opening up the pages. I never thought I would be interested in Greek and Hebrew. Thank you so much for your efforts, dedication, and bravery. Have a wonderful birthday, a restful one.
Thank you so much, Becky. Your words are a tremendous encouragement. God bless you.
My birthday is on the 16th of this month, so I’m a few days short of being 12 years older than you – but we’re close enough in age to have seen a lot of the same things happen in the Gothard circles. I attended 3 seminars in the early 70s and the first time, I loved it. The second time I wasn’t so sure, and the third time, I knew there would be no fourth time. I had been involved with a Charismatic group that had fallen into some spiritually abusive practices (the DISCIPLESHIP controversy) and I knew that if I stayed in this, I’d be going right back into a just-like-it-only-different situation.
I’ve found your books to be good, solid scholarship and easy to read and understand. I’ve read all four of them and have them on my Kindle. I plan to review them a LOT! I was blessed to be born into a strong Christian family, and had already read the whole Bible through two or three times. My father, a Chalk-Artist Evangelist, was a firm believer in people doing their own thinking, and he always encouraged us to make our own decisions about God and the Bible. I’m so grateful for that.
I already receive your blog posts, and I enjoy them very much.
And happy Birthday !
Thank you for this, Linda. You had more discernment than I did. I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed the books.
My husband also traveled as a chalk artist evangelist, the summer before he and I met. Kudos to your dad for encouraging you all to think for yourselves and do your own research, so to speak. I know that’s often discouraged in favor of trusting the church experts, but I pray that more people will do that even now, even in the face of scant encouragement.
Happy Birthday 65.
I am 62 in BC .
You make this world a much better place! Thank you. I am wishing you a wonderful birthday filled with people and things you love
Thank you so much, dear friend. It’s been a beautiful birthday.
Happy Birthday, Rebecca! And thank you for always pointing others (me!) to the Person of Jesus and His very real Presence as the rescue for all our past abuses and hurts as well as the scars they left behind.
He has used your years of study and ministry in a mighty way to lead me on the path to so much healing! I can never thank you enough. And I will never stop thanking Jesus for being faithful in my past. When I thought He didn’t see me suffering in body and mind, He was protecting my SOUL by taking that harm onto Himself on that cross and allowing me to be a survivor. And now in the present and future, for any remaining scars, He is my Healer and my Hope. By untwisting so so much false teaching I’d endured that did tie me up in bondage and did cause more harm to come upon me, you taught me these important truths. God bless you and I thank you so much.
Zee, this is so beautiful! Thank you, thank you. Such a precious direction to the true Redeemer.