From Rebecca: In November of 2018, I wrote a post about pastor James MacDonald setting his vision for Harvest Bible Chapel in the Chicago area. When his vision was boiled down to its essence with the Christian language removed, it looked to me just like a model for business growth, with MacDonald as CEO.
It also became all too evident that the inner workings of this church were, in the words of many of those on the inside, toxic.
To be clear, this friend is not writing about Harvest Bible Chapel, but a different church altogether. But the parallels felt so similar that I chose to grace this post with photos from that same MacDonald sermon.
Image.
In the world of spiritual abuse, image is necessary. Every abuser has a carefully cultivated image that serves as a cloaking device of sorts.
In the Bible, the term “image” is used when addressing worship of false gods. This terminology was very intentional from a God who understood that one day we would have a culture where people would be less likely to worship a god made of material things, but very eager to worship those who claim to bear the name of Jesus and portray a certain image for all to see.
Many don’t get to see behind the scenes, and with a trusting heart they believe what they’re being told and shown from the pulpit.
This is why I’m writing this today.
My husband and I were both in leadership in a church with a carefully cultivated image. Yet the story behind the scenes was and is vastly different. There were–and still are–high levels of abuse, control, manipulation, and deception.
I hope that sharing a small part of our story will help others who may be struggling with what they think they see but who end up questioning their own discernment.
We’ve been warned about wolves in sheep’s clothing and about the enemy coming as an angel of light. We’re told to test the spirits, warned about “doctrines of demons,” and told not to follow signs and wonders.
But the things that can be the greatest detriment to us will not be from without, but from within the church. That’s why discernment is needed. Not everybody who attaches the name of Jesus to something they are doing, saying, preaching, etc is operating through His spirit.
That’s what the image is so good at hiding.
Vs. Reality.
I attended our former church for approximately 15 years. My husband attended for about 18 years and was an assistant pastor and fulltime staff member for approximately 15+. He worked in close proximity to the lead pastor on a daily basis.
When I shared with my husband that I felt I was supposed to write this after Rebecca’s request, he was immediately supportive and said he would also be willing to share his own experiences.
The personal stories here are things that I and/or my husband have personally experienced and/or witnessed firsthand, behind the closed doors of meetings, in family gatherings, during my husband’s workdays, etc. Most, if not all, of this was done with some sort of Bible verse or “biblical principle” twisted to make the lead pastor and his agenda seem “right” or even “godly.”
Especially toward the end of our time in this high-control, abusive, manipulative, toxic church, I often said, “If people knew what was said about them behind closed doors, they would leave this place in droves.” Nobody was safe from being talked about, gossiped about, judged, and belittled.
A business-model church
In this church, the pastor operated as a CEO, and meetings were always run like business meetings. There was rarely prayer and definitely not a posture of seeking the Lord’s guidance. Ideas were shot down unless it could be portrayed as the pastor’s idea. Any questions, suggestions, or otherwise were met with fierce opposition.
Everything that was done had some sort of agenda behind it… usually to try to bring people into the church. Not to point people to Jesus, but to point people to the church. The “success” of outreaches and ministries was measured by numbers. Numbers were the focus because that was the “proof of growth.” If an activity or ministry was not deemed “successful” very quickly, it was shut down.
People as commodities
Church members were commodities, just warm bodies to fill spots, always expendable for the bottom line. It was portrayed as though that bottom line was the kingdom of God, but it was truly the pastor’s own kingdom, his own business empire.
When they were all used up (burned out), the volunteers were simply replaced. My husband witnessed firsthand the pastor saying, “You need to get all you can out of somebody in the first three years because after that they’re no good anymore.”
People were blacklisted if they didn’t agree with the pastor or operated differently than he thought they should. I cannot tell you how many people I personally heard called something along the lines of “a flake, spiritually out there, rebellious,” etc. Anybody who questioned the pastor was shut down and viewed as rebellious.
The way the pastor treated his wife was deplorable. I look back and grieve never speaking up, but at the time it was all “normal” for me. We were with their family often, and I would venture to say that most, if not every, time we were together, he made some sort of disparaging remark, talked down to her, openly mocked her (while saying he was “joking”), barked orders, and treated her like she was stupid and less than.
Both my husband and I had come out of very unhealthy dynamics in our own homes. As a young married couple, this was the “godly” example set for us.
Manipulating church ministries
The church started a food pantry “to help the community.” Sounds good on the surface, but there was always an agenda behind things. Eventually the church started another non-profit and opened a thrift store. From the pulpit and posted on signs throughout the store were claims that “100% of the proceeds from sales in the thrift store go toward the food pantry.”
Except they never did.
My husband even witnessed the pastor’s wife asking the pastor if they should put some of the money from the thrift store toward the pantry, with the response from him immediately refusing and shutting down the idea.
Our area was hit by a hurricane that devastated some of the nearby shore towns. The pastor received donations, including some very large sums, to start a relief center. That never happened, but the donations were never returned.
There was also a building fund campaign that went on for an extended period, with elaborate plans for the church building. Congregation members, including my husband and me, committed to contribute monthly. Even though the contributions from the congregation reached over $100,000, the changes and updates never happened.
Nothing was said about what happened to the money, where it went, or why we never went forward with all the updates. The campaign and plans just all disappeared and nothing more was ever said.
Rejection
Because of the culture of treating people as commodities, when it was deemed that my husband and I were no longer useful, the pastor began to treat us with disregard and as dispensable. It was a method he often used to push people out of the church so he wouldn’t look like the “bad guy” by telling them to leave – or in our case, firing my husband.
My last service at that church, I walked in to find that another couple was sitting in our seats.
After all my deconstructing, reconstructing, and healing, I can see this as ridiculous, but at the time I cannot describe the pain I felt in my heart to see someone else in “our” designated leadership seats (up by the pastor so everybody would know who the leaders were). This would have happened only by personal invitation from the pastor.
It was one thing to be rejected, but a different thing to be replaced, especially with zero communication from the pastor.
I sat toward the back, but when the pastor began to speak on “relationships,” it wasn’t long before I got up and walked out. I could not sit and listen to the hypocrisy another moment.
Looking behind the scenes
Having lived in that culture for so long, my husband and I understand how carefully cultivated that public image is. We know that many will not personally witness the hidden actions and agendas that go on behind the scenes. But there are many similar patterns in abusive dynamics. And sharing our stories may help to open others’ eyes to see the reality of how their church/pastor(s)/leader(s) may be operating.
If you do see, hear, or experience something that causes you to feel unsettled, take that conduct and measure it up to Jesus. If it does not align with His love, compassion, and care as our Good Shepherd, then we encourage you to ask questions.
Ask your pastor/leader(s) about whatever it is you’re feeling unsettled about. If those questions are met with pushback, indirect answers, justification of poor behavior, projecting (turning the situation around on you), and/or hostility, you are likely in an unhealthy church.
And you may very well be dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Looking to Jesus
Jesus is not in any of this, no matter how much His name is attached. Lying, manipulating, controlling, and abusing is not the heart of our loving Father.
After being taught about Jesus by an abusive pastor who tried to make Jesus into his own image to justify his actions, reading the Gospels through a different perspective, and seeing Jesus as a loving and good, gentle Shepherd helped to heal my heart and spirit.
Seeing Jesus for who He truly is and knowing that everything He did, and does, is from a place of love healed places I wasn’t even aware needed healing.
My prayer is always for open eyes, softened hearts, sensitive spirits, and ears that hear their Father’s voice.
I also pray that those who have experienced abuse with the name of Jesus attached will receive revelation of His deep, deep love toward them. I pray that they will be able to know, believe, and taste and see that the Lord is so very good.
I also pray that as we heal, we will bring our stories and healing and realities to others so that they will know they are not alone.
In John 10:11,14 Jesus says,
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. . . . I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own.”
I want to encourage you from a place of deep love and care for the sheep, for those who know their Shepherd’s voice: even if we have been mistreated by a church pastor, spouse, family member, or church member, we can always find rest and healing in the goodness, love, and compassion of our Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ.
I’ve attended this kind of church before. I and my family stopped going to the church we’ve attended since I was a child and started going to the one our neighbor suggested after we moved into the neighborhood. This church looked normal from afar but in reality,it was a business centre and people were commodities.
The pastor constantly teaches the reasons members should take care of him, give me money and all that. He sells cheap red coloured drinks as blood of Jesus,he does the same thing with holy water and he asks people to pay before he can bless them.
That is so incredibly blasphemous it makes my mouth drop open.
Sounds like what the Temple was looking like before Jesus cleared the Temple of the vanitization allowed by the pharisees and priests. Jesus will clean houses someday, that is the joyful hope we have.
I thought of Jesus cleansing the temple too.
I am so sorry you have experienced this type of church as well. I do think Jesus would be flipping tables there, given the chance to be there in the flesh.
In my observations, these types of churches are very widely recommended as they are usually full of “fun” ways to “market” church.
Thank you for your courageous testimony. I know from one experience how hard it is, my experience from the council members not other pastors. Truly sad. Your testimony inspired me to write this poem just a few minutes ago…
Ego’s Proclivity
Vanity is why wolves prowl
Particularly in search of the naïve
To puff and elevate themselves
To manipulate in false integrity
Self-aggrandizing adoration
To feed their self-idolizing
Immune to their toxicity
That deflates the spirits
Of the good and faithful
And denies the sinfection
Within their own souls
Dooming them to dead hearts
Vanity is their futile purpose
But they can only hear
Their own babbling babel
That they will miss the rebuke
Of the Lord Jesus at the end
Depart from me, I know you NOT!
Go in peace and joy of God’s love for you and in His healing embrace giving you strength to continue doing Good, He will take care of the rest.
Thank you, that’s very powerful.
Thank you so much. This was the first time we publicly shared details of our experience. I’m thankful Rebecca gave us the opportunity. I am grateful for His healing, and that His story didn’t end when our time was up at that church. It really just began, and He’s not done yet.
Your poem was very powerful indeed. It reads like a modern Ezekiel 34. At least that’s the passage I thought of when I read it.
Did you write Ego’s Proclivity? It is so good and would love to use it!
Did that church get reported for fraud? Something fishy is going on. Like that “pastor” might belong in prison for white collar crime. And talk about a toxic workplace! If a secular job was like that, it would be a good idea to get a new job asap. And that guy couldn’t even pass the low standard of just not being a toxic workplace.
They are out of there and healing, but many, many people are still there.
The pastor is actually breaking laws though. He is misusing funds, if he doesn’t use the money he has taken in for the purpose it is taken, and doesn’t give those who gave the option to have their money back, like in the building fund, he could and should be legally held accountable for misuse of funds. Fraud basically.
Yes, I thought about that. Seems like there should be an investigation.
They haven’t been reported as of yet. But the workplace was incredibly toxic and a very high stress environment for my husband. So grateful to be out and healing.
I recognize that you mean civil fraud and civil authorities, however your comment made me think (and rest) in the fact that, before the ultimate throne of God’s justice, all fraud is reported and will be dealt with perfectly. You also made me think of Pastor John Piper’s book, “Brother’s, We Are Not Professionals,” the title of which says it all. Pastor-elders need to be taken care of by their congregations materially, obviously (and Biblically) but those that view their pastor-elders the way the world does–thinking in terms of things like search committees, interviews, hiring, firing, staff, etc., should not be surprised when they behave like hirelings. As a friend likes to quip, “Pastors ought to SMELL like sheep.”
Amen and beautifully said! I have been in many churches where this is lived out. I truly believe this is why we have so many churches on every corner but many, many still needing Jesus and won’t step foot in a church building. Thank you for writing this and sharing! Blessings! Kimberly
Amen.
Yes, absolutely. And I’m thinking we’re entering a season where many people will find the true Jesus outside of the 4 walls of the church building. I know I did!
Everyone thinks that they won’t fall for this, it’s so subtle and even if you’ve come from a lovely church before it’s easy to miss the red flags. And don’t forget that there is no transparency in these businesses/churches so you won’t see the wrongness until it’s too late. You won’t remember what it was like in your lovely first church, of how everything was explained and questions were never met with arrogance, and there were no bad questions. You’ll forget that your pastor was accessible by phone and email and you didn’t have to go through an assistant to get an appointment after telling the assistant what you want to meet about. And that appointment will be six months out at a restaurant so good luck sharing things privately. You won’t remember that your pastor used to come to your home, he and his family would come and swim or even go snowboarding with your teens. You won’t remember how when you find out someone is sick, really sick in your church that your pastor stands there with you and your husband and you feel his deep emotions and his tears for one of the people. Once you’re in the community (usually a vibrant one) when you see the red flags you can’t share them with anyone because gossip, and you’ll think you’re crazy. But then when it all goes away you’ll remember all the good before but it will be too late because once you’ve tasted the bad in the church you can’t go back, you can only go forward limping while those who stayed gossip about you and how you “left the wrong way,” even though you mopped floors with them, served alongside doing really hard things, and loved them through their trials, they will forget.
The good news is that you’ll never forget again, ever.
So powerfully stated! Thank you!
“ because once you’ve tasted the bad in the church you can’t go back, you can only go forward limping while those who stayed gossip about you and how you “left the wrong way,” even though you mopped floors with them, served alongside doing really hard things, and loved them through their trials, they will forget” — Oh man, this is a true statement and being in leadership, I saw this time and time again. And then it was my turn. The fear of “gossiping” and “poisoning others” kept me silent for a long time. No more.
My eyes are opened to this now, and I cannot accept this as “ok” ever again. You’re right, I won’t forget.
I didn’t have the privilege of having a good pastor before this experience though. I’m thankful that on my healing journey, God has brought me people who walk in that gift without the “title” and it’s been incredibly healing for me.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. This is awful to think about but I know that you are speaking the truth. May God continue to heal you and your family.
Thank you. I appreciate that so much.
Amen squared, sista. And these worldly-wicked dynamics extend further than mega-churches. I used to teach for a BIG-name biz school. New pastor arrives at our small church nearby it, shows great interest the methods taught to Fortune 100 execs. I share. Next thing ya know, well… I don’t need to tell you b/c you just wrote it.
I’m now at a church where the pastors tremble at the God of Scripture, demonstrating by their decisions that they get the difference between walking in flesh, doing what seems right in our pragmatic culture vs. walking in humility (and often, obscurity) by the Spirit.
The fact that wolves like those you describe get any platform at all is b/c the goats like it that way. Attracted disproportionately to such circuses, they end up outnumbering–and outmaneuvering–the sheep. IMHO, God’s long-delayed righteous judgment on mile-wide quarter-inch-deep American churchianity began at His house quite some time ago.
Yes, and I pray God will rescue many from these toxic places before they are destroyed.
Yes, so true. Too many business-style leadership tactics applied to what should be servanthood in the body of Christ. These modern day models are greatly lacking in how God truly designed His body to be. The business model is incredibly damaging. The sheep are bloodied, battered, and bruised… all with the name of Jesus attached. 🙁 It should not be so.
Increasingly, in these shaking-out refining days, I keep in mind sovereign election texts such as Romans 8:28, Genesis 50:20, and John 10:28-29: “I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.”
I needed this so much today! We experienced this and about 3 years ago it came to a head. The anxiety I feel when I think about walking into a church makes me breathless, sweaty, and nauseous. I grew up in church and cannot find it in my heart to enter into a church now. We have lost nearly all of our community and we feel so alone. We also feel judged for letting our experience stop us from going to church. The fear we feel about church leadership is real and this experience has weakened my faith. We have a folder of notes, texts, emails and recordings of our experience and would love to tell our story, but we just do not know how to put it all together to share. I so appreciate encouragement at the end of your story.
Yes, that encouragement is so important, and I’ve asked Nicole to write another post telling more about THAT part of their journey.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you, Angela. Do you have anyone to talk to, to tell your story to?
I am so sorry that you experienced this. The feelings you have are legitimate. Have you had a safe space where you can share the totality of what happened?
I do my best to point others to the goodness of Christ because it’s the only way I survived and found healing. He was the anchor of Truth when the waves were thrashing, and He still is. His goodness is the common thread throughout all of my story.
Praying for your heart as you navigate this pain. I’m so sorry again that this was your experience as well.
I’ve never had a good feeling about the business model churches. The ones I’ve attended weren’t nearly as toxic and harmful as the one described above, but I still felt the business model vibes. It seemed so impersonal, and didn’t seem to go very deep. They felt like shallow churches.
Yes, that’s a huge problem in Christendom, for sure.
This is so healing to read. It is good to know that we are not the only ones and feel so alone in the rejection. And not to forget how this affects ministry children. Thank you so much for bringing this out into the light!
Yes, it’s so important.