This all goes back to a Peanuts cartoon I read when I was 11 years old.
Copyright law keeps me from posting it in this article, but you can see it here. (You can also see it here.)
Linus: I just lost another argument with my sister.
Charlie Brown: That’s because you always let her get away with using meaningless generalities. The next time you argue with her, make her define her terms.
Linus: That’s a good idea.
Lucy: Eating ice cream again, I see. … You’re going to get fat!
Linus: Fat? I’m not fat!
Lucy: Of course, you’re fat … Look at that stomach!
Linus: Define “stomach.”
As a child I read this comic strip and said to my much-wiser-than-me older sister, “I don’t get this one. Why is it funny?”
She communicated something along the lines of this: “Linus was supposed to ask Lucy to define the word fat, because that’s a term he could argue with her about. There’s no room for argument about what stomach means.”
That was the first time I thought about the concepts of subjective and objective definitions, and at eleven years old, I found it fascinating. I understood the strip, I thought it was funny, and I never forgot it.
And I think of it when I consider what I’ve seen in abusive cultures:
He who defines the terms wins the argument.
Or maybe even clearer . . .
He who assumes or declares the definition of the term, which is then accepted by others, wins the argument.
When you’re talking about the abuse you endured or are currently enduring, what can you do when people accuse you of “being bitter”?
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- You can feel confused and start examining yourself for your own sin.
- You can say “Oh, no, no, not me, never!”
- Or you can say, “Define bitterness.” And ask them where that definition comes from. And talk about the Biblical definition.1More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #1.
When you’re trying to tell them about the abuse a friend of yours has endured and they then accuse you of “gossiping,”
- You can feel confused and start examining yourself for your own sin.
- You can cry out, “No I’m not gossiping! I’m just . . .”
- Or you can ask them, “What do you mean by the word gossip? Can you help me understand why you believe God doesn’t want us to expose evil?” 2More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #3.
When you’re being told the abuser has “repented,”
- You can shut your mouth sweetly and nod submissively.
- You can protest, “But he plays this game of fake repentance over and over . . .”
- Or you can say, “What do you mean by repentance? What is Biblical repentance, and how do you know?” 3More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #4.
If you simply let others define Biblical terms for you, or if you just allow their meaning to remain vague and nebulous, then you’ve lost before you start.
My admonition to my siblings in the faith is don’t just assume that everyone holds the same meanings of the words that the Bible gives.
Learn what the words and concepts really mean, and especially what they mean in this New Covenant in which we stand. Learn them from Scripture, from the meaning of the Greek or Hebrew, and from the context. As you learn, ask the Holy Spirit to be your teacher.
Does this take work? Of course—it’s called Spirit-empowered Bible study.
But do you believe that in the Scriptures we have a message from God? Are you really going to simply trust others to tell you what it says without digging in for yourself?
Learn the Old Testament, but don’t live in it. We are not Old Testament saints. We’re living in the New Covenant that Jesus Christ established by His blood. I’m not saying the Old is unimportant, but a Better Covenant has come.
Let the New Testament be your primary commentary on the Old. Who better to tell you what the Old Testament means than the Holy-Spirit inspired authors of the New Testament?
Think about what the words mean. If you’ve been told what they mean, ask why. Do word and subject studies to find out how the words and subjects are used in context—primarily in the New Covenant, since through the atoning death and victorious resurrection of Jesus Christ and the power of His Holy Spirit, we are New Covenant saints.
We’re occasionally admonished to be Bereans, but it seems not only that this advice is not taken seriously by very many, but also that many leaders don’t really want it. Perhaps it is because then their authority might be challenged.
Far too many celebrity preachers have fallen in shameful disgrace, one after another after another, celebrity preachers who have practically become idols to eager Christians (even celebrity preachers who have vehemently preached against idols).
Far too many for you to think that the next one will be the one who will deliver all truth to you.
If you’re going to take a stand on a certain meaning of Scripture and teach it to others, let it not be because that’s what a pastor or a Puritan or anyone else taught.
Let it be because you see it as consistent with (1) the immediate and greater context of the Word of God, (2) the meaning of the original Greek or Hebrew word, and (3) the heart and character of God.
We can do something different.
Because he who defines the terms wins the argument.
There are so many examples, and I offered only three. I’d love to see in the comments what other ones you’ve encountered. How has understanding what words and expressions really mean helped you in understanding the truth about God and yourself and the world?
***
Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
Footnotes
- 1More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #1.
- 2More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #3.
- 3More about this in Untwisting Scriptures Book #4.
This is so good and helpful! You’re right, we cannot have a meaningful conversation about a particular topic unless we first agree on a definition and know that we’re both talking the same thing. Meaning matters!!
I think this principle is one reason my church leaders abandoned me: I insisted at the outset that we lay our cards on the table by agreeing on the definition of “pornography.”
That’s such an important one, and good on you for insisting on this. I take it that they didn’t want to do that?
I am not here so much because I’ve experienced a lot of scriptural/spiritual abuse (although I know friends who have, and I have found your words encouraging in relating to them), but because I love the Scripture, how multi-layered it is. And as one who desires to be a Berean, and attends a church where I once heard, in a sermon on Bible study, its importance, that “one should not go to the Bible to study something that contradicts the teaching of the church” (no, we’re not Catholic), I am particularly encouraged by these words this morning:
If you’re going to take a stand on a certain meaning of Scripture and teach it to others, let it not be because that’s what a pastor or a Puritan or anyone else taught.
Let it be because you see it as consistent with (1) the immediate and greater context of the Word of God, (2) the meaning of the original Greek or Hebrew word, and (3) the heart and character of God.
We can do something different.
Thank you, Rebecca.
Amen! Thank you, Sheila!
Thank you, Rebecca! There are so many examples in my life and I am in a season of study where I needed to be reminded of these principles. Here are a few (not as serious as sexual abuse but some spiritual abuse): finally meeting with a pastor, an elder (with whom I was having some difficulty), and my husband (my request and he was also an elder) when the pastor said we don’t want to rehash but move forward. I said that since I had not gotten to be in the meeting(s) that I we would be hashing….. meeting with another elder and my husband and the elder said that I was naive to think that the bible could be used to help us walk through a conflict, I disagreed…. meeting with a pastor who said that forgiveness and reconciliation were the same things, I disagreed and we eventually left this body (for other reasons also)…. helping a class of young folks understand the definition of tolerance…. as a person who has a passion for language, who is trying to be a Berean, who understands that truth often needs to be rescued from tradition (something I learned from the late Dr. Kenneth Bailey), is willing to live with the discomfort of cognitive dissonance as paradigms shift, I am so thankful that God is loving and patient and faithful! I grew up with Peanuts and truly appreciated this cartoon reminder =]
Great thoughts. And the forgiveness = reconciliation issue is a big one!
For me, the words/phrases used to enslave were
1: be more gracious.
2: proceed with peace
Oh yes, the “gracious” one. I did address that in Untwisting Scriptures Book #3.
I haven’t heard the expression “proceed with peace,” but I’m assuming that’s code for “keep your mouth shut”? The whole first half of Untwisting Scriptures #3 is about different church teachings used to keep people silent.
I wish I had known – and had the confidence to – say, “Define ‘bless'” when my then-pastor said God would bless my obedience to my now-ex-father, who was demanding my 14yo body.
I just ran away.
Oh my word, Kristi, I’m so sorry that such a very evil thing happened to you from such wicked people. Good on you for running away.
Thank you, Rebecca, for the reminder that God longs for us to come directly to Him individually the way He created us. Thank you for urging us to dig into the Word and trust the Spirit of God to teach us the truth, just as Jesus promised in John 14:26.
We cannot allow the culture of co-dependency to permeate our life, especially in our walk with God. Internet voices, media voices, support group voices often draw us away from our ability to hear God’s voice. Why are we willing to receive guidance second hand? Because even in the Christian world we are groomed to believe we have no other choice. We are lulled into thinking we lack the capacity to read the Scriptures with understanding.
Thank you for stirring up in each of us a desire to seek God with a bold confidence in His ability to teach us from His Word through His Spirit. He has given us everything we need to develop a firm grasp on His truth. I believe He expects us to rise up and seek Him individually. He promised in Jeremiah 29:13 that we would find Him.
A word from the past that was misused and needs clarification is “submit.”
That usually means “don’t disagree.”
Agreed?
P.S. Peanuts and the Gang continue to be my favorite imaginary friends. My home has little touches of Snoopy and Woodstock here and there, but of course it’s “just for the grandchildren.” Ha ha!
What beautiful thoughts, Anna. Thank you. And yes, I love Peanuts too!
Ah yes, “submit.” The two excellent resources I would refer you to are tru316.com and margmowczko.com. They handle the word of God faithfully and with compassion, and they are especially focused on the man-woman question.
Thank you. I appreciate the recommendation to these excellent resources.
It’s a whole new world of study. The truth does set us free!
Culture of codependency. This has very much been me. I was very codependent, seeking validation and help and “answers” from other Christians, when I needed to train myself to do my own spiritual work. I let my own neediness get in the way of that.
This reminds me of the days when I didn’t always have the right terms or have strong theological language. I had ideas of what the Bible might be saying, but couldn’t articulate it well. Sometimes I’d hear another preacher say what I thought all along, and it was like a breath of fresh air.
But then, if I tried to present my ideas, I always felt shot down, argued with, gaslit even. It was so hard to have a conversation with someone who was defining the terms.
I like how you said, “Learn the OT, but don’t live in it.” So true. We can take the general principles from the OT, take meaning from the stories. But don’t get stuck there.
The first step in recovery from spiritual abuse is to recognize that it’s happening.
The second is to get terms for it.
As we proceed, we can recognize that one of the ways the pseudo-authorities have gained “power over” is by defining the terms. And we can dig into what the Scriptures really say.
Finding out what the Scriptures really say is actually a beautiful adventure!
Wonderful.
Terminology is often used as tools to denigrate, disarm and keep people dolt. It is used to make people as robots spewing garbage jargon and defending absolute evil.
When a definition is attached and people get to THINK, REASON, ANALYZE AND RATIONALIZE, well all hell breaks loose.
Why? Because these workers of darkness no longer have a monopoly on what you are “allowed” to feel, think or reason. You begin to cut off the noise and sincerely begin to Think. You begin to analyze and realize the sewage these religous folk spew.
And then, you come to realize Jesus is Good, He is Faithful, He is Love and their depiction of him is a false God. A caricature of evil to mask their own failings and demented ideology.
I thank God for Jesus! I thank God for giving us a mind to reason and for setting his people FREE!
This is beautiful. Thank you, Shannon.
Rebecca, You are welcome.
I thank you and appreciate the work you do as you have been called by Jesus to spread HiS Word.
I have personally heard some gross rubbish spewed from pulpits, but the funny thing is, I love to THINK! Always have and always will. And it is this God-given blessing that made me question many things. I kept seeking and I found truth.
I’ll share an insane one- a gross disgusting “story” over a woman who was raped. Her desire was to always save her viginity until marriage and she was assaulted.
Turns out yrs later the man who rapes her comes to Christ and meets her. Somehow they marry because “He is a Chritian now”
So guess what, it was deduced thay “God answered her prayers as the person who raped her really became her husband so she didn’t really lost her viginity to any one else”
Beyond Garbage. Beyond unacceptable and the pastor relaying this filth giggles.
I have realized over time that these “leaders” encourage their laity to be ill-informed, encourage illiteracy, ignorance stupidity and to be as vacuous as possible.
An informed person is a threat to demented, diabolical EVIL.
That’s why women who question things are called Jezebels( hahaha) when Jezebel was simply wicked just as Ahab was.
My spouse and I have exited the religious circle over 11 yrs now and it has been Freedom. And God knows those who seek him and put things in their midst to steer them away from error.
There certainly is so much genuine evil. And I believe just as much or perhaps far more genuine ignorance, which is encouraged by the evil ones.
Praise God, we have the living Word, we have the written Word, and we have the Holy Spirit so that we do not have to be ignorant. And yes, I did write about Jezebel here: https://heresthejoy.com/2023/06/do-you-have-a-jezebel-spirit/
This post and these comments are my wake up call. I thank each of you for your perspective on this essential topic. We must define the terms we hear and the terms we speak. Almost knowing is not enough.
I have a Mark Twain quote taped on my office wall:
“The difference between the right word,
and the almost right word
is like the difference between lightening
and the lightening bug.”
How can we recognize the right word if we never define it?
It’s hard for me to admit that I’ve spent decades listening to words thrown around in sermons without even questioning their meaning. But here I am.
And this insightful post and these wonderful comments reassure me that I am in good company. I am not alone in my awakening to a whole new language of words with meaning. Thank you everyone.
I remember many years ago asking a pastor this question about the word “gospel.” The lack of definition there (which I began to understand was being used to promote Galatianism) was part of my motivation the early days of this blog.
We are blessed for that motivation you received!
Thank you for taking that step of faith for this blog.
You are greatly appreciated, Rebecca, for who you are as well as for what you do.
We are grateful.