addressing the false teaching of “daily dying to self,” part 4
Part 1 (link) introduces how detrimental this concept can be in the context of an abusive marriage, and gives my husband Tim a platform to speak. Part 2 (link) addresses Scriptures such as “I die daily,” “deny yourself,” and “take up your cross.” Part 3 (link) addresses the Scriptures that talk about “mortification” and spiritual “dying.”
The Christian life is about finding “rest from works” in the spiritual realm
Jesus promised that those that came to Him would find rest for their weary souls. He accomplished the work in the spiritual realm, so that we wouldn’t have to. Our part is to trust Him in His finished work. But . . .
In contrast, the “daily dying to self” teaching is a work (in opposition to faith) that Christians are told they’re supposed to accomplish in the spiritual realm, in order to further our life in Christ.
But it’s impossible. Have you observed that it’s impossible in your own experience? Have you felt like the “self” kept resurrecting after you “killed” it?
Back when I had my “I die daily” sign on the wall next to my bed in college, it always seemed impossible, I guess because it was. I was working so hard to die so I could finally get rid of that sinful self. But funny thing, it seemed like I kept being pulled down by it, with the sin still very much in evidence. I guess because I was trying to accomplish something that only the Savior could do—and I didn’t know He had already done it.
It was many more years before I finally began to understand what it means that I died with Christ and I’m risen with Christ. I’m still learning. But instead of learning with a heavy burden and dread, feeling like I can’t ever do it right or enough, I’m learning it with delight, joy, and anticipation of what the Spirit of Jesus Christ is doing and will continue to do in my life, to turn my heart away from sin and the things of this world, and toward Him.
This article has now been truncated because it has been editing and incorporated into the book . You can find that book here.
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Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
I never believed that it was ok to be abused, but I did make the mistake of staying with an abusive husband and loving, serving, and blessing him. I did this because I had read Luke 9:23, and the other scriptures listed. I longed to love God and to love others, and thought if I can’t love my sinful husband how can I love other sinful people? I learned during those years the lesson of your writing: it’s Jesus’s life, not His death, that now resides in me.
Your teaching on the subject of dying to self is excellent. We died on the day of our conversion and given new life. We are a new creation in Christ. Jesus paid it all. We just need to abide in Him and walk it.
I remember how I asked my mom, how could I get members of my youth group to stop sinning (smoking, drinking alcohol, cursing, sexual immortality), and she said, I couldn’t do anything but lead them into a love relationship with Jesus, then, and only then, would they put off the old man (ephemeral) and desire things of the Spirit (eternal). She was so right, and so are you.
I am currently separated from my husband, and walking in the light. God does not value marriage over my safety and sanity. I thank God for all the wisdom that has come forth in these past few years. Thank you for your heart for the truth.
Thank you for your comment, Yvette. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through but glad you’re walking in the light now.
Would it ever be possible that the best and hardest way to love someone would be to leave? Seems that enabling someone to continue in sin is not as loving as leaving and allowing God to bring him to the end of himself. It is sooooo hard on women who choose to leave for the sake of safety and sanity. They are made (by the church, primarily) to feel that it was not the loving thing to do.
I agree with you that determining not to enable sin is a loving thing to do. To allow someone to continue in adultery, for example, just to keep the peace or to present a false front of “godliness” is a bad choice for anyone who has the option to speak. I understand that those who have been kept voiceless may not be able to speak for some time, but it’s good to keep in mind: “sin should never be enabled.” I’ve known several women, though, who lost their church, their friends, and their family when they decided to stop doing that enabling.