Some background of the teaching
When CJ Mahaney began proclaiming “I’m the worst sinner I know” somewhere around the late 1990s, it certainly wasn’t the first time this teaching had been promoted. But from what I could find, this was when it began to go mainstream.
Mahaney himself claimed it regularly, often even as a way of introducing himself when he would stand up to speak. “I’m CJ Mahaney, and I’m the worst sinner I know.”
But it isn’t only Mahaney who is supposed to be the worst sinner he knows. Each one of us is supposed to be the worst sinner each one of us knows. In 2002 Mahaney wrote in The Cross-Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing:
“Every one of us can honestly claim that ‘worst of sinners’ title. No, it isn’t specially reserved for the Adolf Hitlers, Timothy McVeighs, and Osama bin Ladens of the world. William Law [a 17th-century writer] writes, ‘We may justly condemn ourselves as the greatest sinners we know because we know more of the folly of our own heart than we do of other people’s.’ . . . So admit you’re the worst sinner you know.”
This appears to be when the teaching caught hold and spread way beyond Mahaney’s Sovereign Grace Ministries circles. Many people who truly want to follow Christ have sought to take it to heart.
Mahaney’s own explanation of the teaching
Here is a small part of an interview with CJ Mahaney in 2008 talking about being the worst sinner he knows, beginning at about minute 15:00.
Mahaney: Oh, I do indeed [believe I’m really the worst sinner I know]. Yeah. And here’s why I believe that. Because I’m more familiar with my sins than I am with anyone else’s sins. When I stay close to the doctrine of sin and apply the doctrine of sin, in the shadow of the cross, to my soul, I am indeed the worst sinner I know, in light of God’s holiness, my sinfulness as I consider my heart, yes, I am convinced. Now, when I drift from that, and when I evaluate other people and compare myself favorably with someone then no, I become arrogant, I become self-righteous. . . .
Interviewer: So you really mean positionally and potentially and by terms of the darkness of which I am capable, I am the worst sinner I know. You don’t mean practically, as I’m living my life today, if we could bring forward a sampling of twenty people in the church and read off our failures of the last thirty days, I would be the most sinful person on that list.
Mahaney: No, I would say I would, but here’s why. Because I’m familiar with my sin.
Interviewer: But in a moment we’re going to be familiar with everyone’s, cause we’re all going to read our list.
Mahaney: Uh, yeah, even, even when the list was read, I would, I would, I think I would still argue that, uh, your list, though serious, uh, is, is different from what I’m familiar with in my own soul as I contemplate manifestations of pride and lust and anger and complaining , uh, desire to impress, just all the forces that war against my soul on a daily basis, uh, some of which I commit on a daily basis. I’m intimately familiar with them in a way I’m not with yours, regardless of what you confess.
Interviewer: You don’t feel the horror about my sin that you feel about your own.
Mahaney: I don’t. I don’t.
Interviewer: That’s clear. I think you’ve given us a lot to think about.
Mahaney: Yeah. In terms of familiarity, I’m more familiar with mine than yours. I know mine up close and personal.
Interviewer: I think that’s very helpful. It gives us . . . I gotta think about that. That’s fantastically clear, and I really appreciate it.
Even while he was saying it was “fantastically clear,” the interviewer sounded puzzled. I was puzzled too. I got the impression that the interviewer (being a friend of Mahaney’s and all), saw that he was causing Mahaney to stutter and stammer in his reply, and needed to back off to keep everything comfortable.
But there are problems. Big problems.
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I want to thank my husband, some former SGM members, and others who gave valuable input into this article.
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Go here to download your free Guide, How to Enjoy the Bible Again (when you’re ready) After Spiritual Abuse (without feeling guilty or getting triggered out of your mind). You’ll receive access to both print and audio versions of the Guide (audio read by me). I’m praying it will be helpful.
I was a longtime SGM member who left in 2010. I have written many posts related to this here: http://watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com/search/label/SGM
Hi Virginia, and thank you so much for these links. Yes, your name is familiar to me, and i’ll look forward to reading more. I greatly appreciate your thoughts.
Excellent article Rebecca. Fully agree.
Here is a poem which specifically relates to your post – “It Becane to Me a Dark Thing” http://watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com/2010/07/became-to-me-dark-thing-poem.html?m=1
This is a very powerful poem! I know what you’re talking about. I once was part of a conversation about whether all of us had to fit in the category of “prodigal son” and “older brother,” as some teach. Isn’t there a third possibility? I asked. One that . . . is it too radical to think . . . actually shows a life transformed to truly love God and others, breaking out of both rebellion on the one hand and hypocritical self-satisfaction on the other? I believe this poem of yours speaks to that.
“In spite of his Uriah-Heep-ish ’umble talk”
It’s called a ‘Humble-Brag’. That’s all this ‘I’m the worst sinner’ stuff is. He doesn’t really believe it.
No, that became really obvious to those like Brent Detwiler and Dave Harvey who tried to correct him, and to all the rest of us when we saw their email exchanges, and then when Mahaney talked about his sins being “normal.” It became obvious he was using it for manipulation and self-exaltation.
Thanks for this teaching, I learned some things.
Great article, you nailed the problem which has left so many evangelical Christians disillusioned. Unfortunately Mahaney’s books still are being pushed in many churches.
Below is a good quote from John Immel’s book. Immel attended a Sovereign Grace church and dared question the leaders.
“The next time you hear a church leader say “I’m the worst sinner I know . . .” ask him to define his peer group. If he’s hanging around with Genghis Khan, Joseph Stalin, and Pol Pot, then maybe he’s got an interesting story to tell. And if his peer group is Pope Benedict XVI, Billy Graham, and Mother Teresa, the finest advice is . . . run.
On its face, “I am the worst sinner I know . . .” is a comparative statement devoid of any real context or substance. It assumes a hierarchy of evil by saying “worst,” but then pretends that all sin is functionally the same disqualifying wickedness compared to all men. So, in one sentence the greatest tyrant, with the highest body count, and a wrecker of nations, is on moral par with the average preacher who has noticed a few too many boobies in his lifetime, or the little kid who steals a coveted pack of gum. Maybe “I am the worst sinner I know,” could be a declaration of self-awareness, an effort to impress those from without by affirming intimacy with an internal evil. (A curious self-awareness in light of Pervasive Depravity since man can never know the depth of his own sin.) But while such self-abasing, self-deprecating comments seem like a righteous thing that preachers should say, this explanation is not really any better. The statement reveals a stunning moral narcissism: an intentional subjective shortsightedness that requires a man to ignore the larger world around him and refuse a sense of proportion in the actions of other men.”
(Kindle Locations 3011-3023)
Blight in the Vineyard: Exposing the Roots, Myths, and Emotional Torment of Spiritual Tyranny
by John Immel
That’s fantastic! I wasn’t familiar with that book, but very glad you alerted me to it. Thank you!
That sounds like a quite a book, definitely getting at some of the more “subtle” underpinnings of what we hear in church. That’s so true: it’s a moral narcissism that fails to see one’s self in relationship to the world around him.
Thank you Rebecca. I needed this reminder.
I’m thankful it was helpful to you.
Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow… and those blessings include our identity as new creations in Christ =)… the old is GONE… sinners is what you WERE! (not saying we don’t sin, but no longer our positional identity in Christ)
Preach it Sister! Hallelujah, such a confirmation to see this message getting out and being shared… I’m with you sister in… BOQ… My passion to correct this wrong teaching comes partly because I see the abuses I’ve described here. But it also comes because I see people walking away from oppressive churches who just keep walking, all the way out of Christianity, because they believe that what their oppressive church taught really is what the Bible teaches. EOQ…
know that you are not alone, and the Holy Spirit is putting this message on the hearts of others as well…
Thank you for your encouragement, OOHHP. I’m very thankful for those “others” who are discovering (or have long been aware of) this message of the rest of the gospel.
Bless your heart Rebecca… I just LOVE how God works… and how He led me to this blog today…. it was so Divinely orchestrated… it started with a video Julia Anne [at Spiritual Sounding Board] shared last week on Bill Gothard/cult which I had put in my list to watch later… So I finally started watching it on 3/21, but only the first 20 minutes…so ended up watching the rest today…3/22 and then I saw a twitter comments on the side and clicked on the “defend the sheep” where Julie Anne had posted this link and I had no idea whose blog it was… and here I end up on your site today, the very same day I got “tear down this wall of silence” in the mail =)… how’s that for Divine “coincidence”..
And there’s more… yesterday, 3/21… I had a conversation with my pastor and CJ mahaney came up… and here you mention him in this post…
And as I already shared, our identity in Christ is one of the passions the Lord has been putting on my heart as well (long story =)… so I thank God for you and your sensitivity to the leading of the Holy Spirit and how He timed all this…
So KNOW you are exactly where you are suppose to be in His timing, in His will… You are beautiful, precious, priceless and dearly loved, Sister!
That’s a great story! I’m so thankful for divine coincidences too!
Hi Rebecca- I found your blog through Natalie’s blog. Wow! this is truly balm to my weary, torn soul. I have recently separated from my emotionally and verbally abusive husband of 12 years. These exact messages kept me in bondage for soo long..and still do. I am still constantly checking my thoughts and motives to “root out any sin” in me and for years took all the blame my husband poured onto me….even now- as I am trying to heal I feel “like a horrible person” sometimes for separating and feel condemned. The language of the “I am a terrible sinner and must die to myself keep wringing in my ears! God bless you for the work you do and to remind those of us with “especially sensitive consciences” that the gospel truly is GOOD NEWS!!
I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced, and trust that God is healing you. He truly is a good and loving God. Yes, the gospel is good news, isn’t that amazing?! If you’ve put your trust in Him, He loves you and calls you His daughter and a saint! That’s why my website is called “Here’s the Joy.”
“Dying to self” and “sensitive consciences” (vs. hardened consciences)–both topics that I want to address eventually on this blog. I’ve addressed the concept of “checking your motives already–it’s here: https://heresthejoy.com/2013/07/checking-my-motives/
And by the way, I Timothy 1:15 is one of the Scriptures that has been twisted to tie people up, gag them, and tangle their minds. I try to address these regularly (check the “untwisting Scriptures” Category for more), and elaborated on a few of the key ones in my most recent book, Untwisting Scriptures, which you can see at this link: http://amzn.to/2tpE7y6
Thanks! I plan to purchase the book. I definitely need to de-program from a lot of lies and years of abuse. I wish someone had told me early on that if you are someone who is neurotic and has an oversensitive conscience that some of the
“wording and teaching” of the church can do more harm. My body, mind and soul is still healing from the abuse…unfortunately one of the effects of the abuse for me was making me doubt my own mind and thoughts…so I am constantly questioning myself..which of course doesn’t help my situation.!
but I am so thankful for people like you and others I have found that are now opening my eyes to a whole new way of seeing the gospel…that if I am constantly feeling bad about myself- maybe the message got a bit twisted!
Just because you have a very sensitive conscience doesn’t mean you’re neurotic, though. I’m not a licensed counselor, but I think there can be ways that various problems like OCD can be helped as Scriptures are untwisted and we walk in the light of who Jesus Christ really is and who we really are. It’s a beautiful thing.
If you’re “The Worst Sinner You Know”, WHY SHOULD WE PUT YOU IN A PULPIT OVER US AND BEND THE KNEE TO YOU?
Exactly.
Ahhh! This is beautifully articulated and SO needed! Thank you for meticulously laying out these wise & scriptural truths. May many be blessed & set free in the reading of them.
I pray that this will be the case. Thank you, Lisa.
I know this is an old post, but I just came upon it. I hear this sentiment also. “In my marriage troubles, I am the problem.” You’ll find this taught in reformed marriage counseling sites. So the spouse whose spouse committed adultery is the problem, at least equally with the adultery-committing spouse. “It takes two to tango”. Of course we all have sin, but we each have responsibility for our own sin.
Not only reformed teaching, but others as well. There are degrees of sin; if a theology fails to teach that–indeed, if they teach the opposite–then this will be a very effective way to keep the oppressed under the crushing heel of the oppressors.
Very insightful and helpful.
You speak so much truth here. Thank you. I have always felt that something was wrong with this “sin levelling” theology. Of course, that was just an intuitive sense, nothing I could really put words to. Yes, you are right, it paradoxically creates an environment where serious sins can develop.
I like the Catholic concept of mortal sin versus venial sin. Venial sin or “minor sin” is sin that is bad, but it isn’t of serious matter. “There is sin that is sin, but there is sin that is deadly” says I John 5. Mortal sin is that “serious sin”, sins such as abuse, adultery, extramarital sex, abortion, etc. Sins that do serious damage to the soul and body of another person, and that cause a serious rift in our connection to God and to other people, sometimes to the point where restoration of the relationship is impossible. Not that we shouldn’t watch out for venial sins, but they shouldn’t take our focus off the greater matters of love, justice and mercy.
I remember doing Ray Comfort’s Way of the Master in my years attending evangelical churches, and while I think there is some value to that evangelism technique, it really got me hooked on this bad theology. That I am automatically just as bad as Hitler and Stalin, I am a depraved soul because I stole a pen from work, or extra time off of the time clock.
I don’t know too many people who lay awake at night with their consciences tormented by stolen time from work and pens that they took home in their pocket. But I do know people who lay awake because of abuse, divorce, having had an abortion, or having lost a loved one to suicide.
Just my thoughts.
This doesn’t make the “Good News” any less horrible. It still condemns all of humanity to be tortured forever if they don’t believe the right things about God. You can believe that God is loving and merciful, that righteousness to please God and earn your reward is worth pursuing; you can pursue some sort of Uncreated Goodness who wants us to learn to love our neighbors…
but if you don’t believe that “you’re a horrible sinner in the eyes of an angry God, you cannot help ut be a bad person no matter what, and you’re in need of a specific savior’s blood-sacrifice that happened in Jerusalem in A.D. 30, and you need to join this organization and pretend you have this-and-that spirit guiding your actions” as part of pursuing a good God, then you’re chucked into hell anyways, because “the name of Jesus” is a story, not a reputation.
The Gospel is not good news of God’s love. It’s an ultimatum of eternal torture.
That’s still bad news.
The bad news is that humanity is lost in sin and owes an unpayable debt. The good news is that the Son of God came to pay that sin debt for us so that we can be rescued and transformed if we look to Him. The love of God is extended through the salvation He offers through His Son. This is very good news.
And regarding the eternal torture, there are Christians who consider themselves orthodox–John Stott would be one and I would be another–who believe that the experience of hell is punishment that fits the crime according to each individual person, rather than eternal torture. I want my beliefs to be both Biblical and logical, and not only does this make more sense logically, but there is no Biblical support for thinking that those who are outside of Jesus Christ will live forever; eternal life is promised to those in Jesus Christ alone. There is much more that could be said about this, but I’ll leave it at this for now.
Excellent exposition of that verse.
Another one that’s misused a lot is “the heart is deceitful and wicked.” Yeah, if you look at the context it’s the unconverted heart that’s deceitful and wicked. Jeremiah’s heart wasn’t. The new heart we’re promised in the New Covenant isn’t. It’s because their hearts were far from God they were deceitful and wicked.
Absolutely. I addressed Jeremiah 17:9 In Untwisting Scriptures #3 and also here: https://heresthejoy.com/2018/05/reason-trumps-emotions-90-of-evangelicals-say-yes/